formerly Kamera To My Eye

25 December 2010

Merry Xmas. I'm dreaming of California, while Santa's visiting



California sunrise
Take the sleep from under our California eyes
Sitting by the ocean side
Waiting for the tide to take us home
To take us all home

She waits for the summer
To find a lover
She looks for him underneath the sand
But the air is getting colder
And the summer is getting older
You need to make up your mind

I've been sleeping for far too long
Been hibernating from your love
I need some summer sun to come and wake me up
Let it sink your help to swim
California sunrise, come and wake me up

Trying to decide are you really worth my time
I've been playing this game so long
But the code is coming through, there's nothing left to do
Oh my God, I proved myself to you

I've been sleeping far too long
Hibernating from your love
I need some summer sun to come and wake me up
Let it sink your help to swim
Where our love ends my end begins
Calfornia sunrise, come and wake me up

14 December 2010


To think, I never actually thought that I would be one of those guys.

One of those guys who are decked out in their lightest, warmest cycling gear on a 20 degree night in December, ice all over the roads, air dry as a bone, and a Tuesday night.

And, yet, here we are. Halfway through my ride tonight I realized this and had to just laugh out how dorky I must look. If you can't laugh at yourself, right?

Yep, I'm knee-deep in it and I guess I'll take it. There could be so many worse things I could be doing on a December night.

Like skinny dipping in Percy Priest Reservoir...

12 December 2010

On my desk at home I have two pictures.

They're not of a person, a place or some brunette beauty.

They're of two of my best friends growing up. Two friends who were there everyday, through everything, wagging their tails, following me into the woods, digging with me in the dirt and playing with me in the rain.

While my mom got mad at me for coming back to the house filthy and smelling, these two were always at my back, snickering, wagging their tales and waiting for me to go back out with them.

I think I'd be a different person if it weren't for the people who've shaped me through life.

It's no surprise that I'd be a different person without my black Laborador tom-boy, Shadow, and my goofball, always smiling white Laborador brother, Baron.

I miss them dearly.

07 December 2010

Have it all


Somewhere with our minds
like the orange and its rind
you've found
a way
for
me to find
the faint burrowing trend
that time wasn't our friend
and that
maybe, afterall,
I might just
have
it
all.

14 November 2010

Il y a tout ce que vous voulez, aux Champs-Élysées


Still my favorite photo from Paris 

It's a night like tonight that I am, for some odd reason, reminded of Paris and all it's mid-winter glory. OK, so it's really not a stretch as to find the reason for my recent reminiscence on Paris--a friend recently requested for the photos from that trip and with no intention of looking through all those thousands of photos, I definitely did just that.It was the first time I'd gone through those photos since the trip almost two years ago now (wow) and with that came a fresh sense of viewing. A pleasant ignorance of the photos that was, well, pleasantly rewarded.

Things are good, things are great. However, I'm not used to the cold weather yet--scratch that, my lungs are used to the cold weather yet--and my runs lately have ended a bit short with my throat nearly burning and my lungs screaming at me to stop being such an asshole to them.

It's a Modest-Mouse-sort-of-week I sense.

On to the science. Another week of Darwinian weaseling of protein chemistry.

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

05 November 2010




It's winter out there!

Freezing, frigid, beard-frosting cold!

Ok, maybe not, but it is pretty darn cool.

I'm OK with that.






After all, winter lasts a quarter of the year.

02 November 2010



What was I supposed to do in November, again?

Hmmm.

I don't know, but I feel like November was bringing something...or maybe I was supposed to do that one thing...or maybe I just am meant to enjoy what the month will bring?

Nope. There was something happening in November. Something I've been waiting on for a few months now. I guess we'll just see if I can recall anytime sooon.

The best part about November is also becoming the worst part. It's getting colder. Now, now, I love my cold weather, and I embrace it as much as I do my sunny humid days, but it also means I need to switch out my gear for cycling. This weekend should be one of the last--if not the--last mild weekend before the real chills of the old man winter start to creep up. I think a low of 28 and high of 58 sounds quite pleasant--however a ride starting off early in the morning when it's 34 and ending when it's 58 is just plain annoying. So I'll be riding with a pack this weekend.

This weekend. Oh how I crave it's arrival. I haven't had a 'free' weekend in several weeks and therefore haven't been able to ride all morning, explore all afternoon and enjoy the weekend nights. To say I'm ready for it, well, that's an inestimable summation.

Tomorrow is the first game of my Vandy basketball season tickets, and I am stoked. Though it's not the cats, it's still one of the best SEC teams and should be awesome to be in Memorial Gym all winter.

The science.

Yeah. About that. If there was a tangible face, adorned with the most inaffable, annoying smirk, I would gladly take my transgressions out on it most fastidiously.

A good 'ol sock to the mouth.

It's really just one of those cycles where you hit brickwalls, speedbumps, traffic stops, crazy drivers, grannies and wide-load trailers in science. However, when it all happens within a week window you develop a bit of crazy.

Push on through though.

Pfeww. Alright. Here we go.

To the weekend and basketball season starting (Go Cats, Go 'Dores).

11 October 2010

next steps are a doozy


I've got another week in this apartment.

Even though I am moving to a place I would consider an upgrade in most ways (except for the kitchen--I'm taking one for the team here), I still feel a lot of connection to this place.

After all, it was my first apartment all to myself. No one else's. I think I've never grown so much as I have in the last 16 months and I did all that here. In my little piece of rented land. From relationships to cycling, from music to the chopping block, I've done a lot, learned a lot and gleaned an awful lot more from myself than I expected.

I was supposed to only be in Nashville for six months. Here I am at D-Day + 10 months. To think, that number will only double as I have agreed to stay in this lab for another year.

For the longest time I questioned whether taking the other path out of college (not med school, etc) was a mistake and that maybe I should have just gone on and gotten my life on track. I wonder if perhaps I would have done the template, graduated Berea, taken a few weeks off then entered into summer at a medical school where I would be sufficiently happy (and likely miserable all at the same time).

Then I realize what this little apartment has seen me go through by me taking this other path. I learned how to be a teacher and a mentor--something I think is the duty of all of us to become, I learned science in a way I never understood, I found love--though finite those nine months were some of my best, I finally took time to focus on passions I had--playing music, getting into cycling, and the most recent and most heart-beat skipping, I spent the second half of my summer in Maine and found something there that I still can't shake out of my mind (but that's almost certainly because that's the last thing I want to do).

Despite the fact that everything moves at break neck speed, feeling like the days fall like dominoes and trying to keep up is tiresome, there are some things that stay put and wait for you at all times.

I'll miss this apartment, this home. But I'm going to wood floors. Sorry apartment, I hope we can still be friends.

To new nests, apple cider, and that feeling when your heart skips a beat because of your dropping in to say "hi" through my phone.

03 October 2010



Oh shit!

Hello, fall.

I didn't know you were joining us so soon.

No, no, it's my pleasure that you're here already.

I've had a bed made for you for weeks, and dinner is on the stove.

Make yourself at home.

20 September 2010

much easier to know the answers if you know where to look

Take the guitar player for a ride
Cause He ain't never been satisfied
He thinks he owes some kind of debt
Be years before he gets over it

So pleased I am with this weekend.

Good friends, in a good town, with good things, and good times. Are you getting the picture yet? I fully understood my love of all things americana-folk at some point over the weekend. Maybe it's that I can now successfully write folk songs...that I'm actually happy with.

I'm planning on entering some Tour's next spring/summer, definitely a few good one's here in Nashville. One will be a century ride--maybe I can win it! Ha! I just
zinged myself.

If you haven't, just indulge yourself in Tallest Man On Earth (apolgies for the Myspace linkage, it's all he has). It's beautiful, raw, guy-and-a-guitar folk.

Went and saw an apartment today...fell in love as soon as I stepped inside. Original wood floors, circa 1930, 50% larger than what I'm in now, lots of windows, dining room, huge living room, cozy bedroom, yet mediocre kitchen (oh well). I'm 99% certain I'm going tomorrow to snap it up.

Woot!

To seeing that smile, hearing that folk and perusing Zen and The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance.


13 September 2010

don't dream it's over


As I got back in the car that night out front of the restaurant, I had an overwhelming feeling at that very moment.

I realized I was never going to see that girl again.

It hit me like a moment of clarity. A wind-sucking blast to the chest that I could only figure was a gut-feeling. Afterall, it was all a fluke, chance meeting anyways. There was no reason, no recourse and certainly no insurance for such an arrangement. No, no, this was certainly the last time.

Without much pause I decided to push through and went to turn on the car, when I then turned on the radio for the first time, because, well, times like these call for music.

At which point, I heard this song. And my eyes began to well.

In that very moment, the song which had literally just started and whose first guitar strum I immediately recognized, I realized something very comforting. So incredulously uplifting and encouraging.

Maybe I would see her again.

Maybe, just maybe, it was all just beginning instead.

03 September 2010


What?

I'm back from Maine?

...

I did not get that memo.

Apparently, yes, it would appear, that the six-week trek/expedition/vacation/foray to the northern reaches of Maine has come, developed and ultimately passed by.

Let's get one thing clear, if I haven't made it abundantly clear elsewhere: I absolutely loved my time in Maine. The trip was all about the science and acquiring samples for my research. That was successful and revelatory in its self. My PI (principal investigator) explained where he saw all this work going and I have to say...

WOW.

I have a lot of work ahead of me as we hope to publish two papers, one in a relatively prestigious journal such as Journal of Biochem, Biochemistry or maybe Evolution, etc., but the real crux of the research is being saved for the highest-impact, highest-prestige journal in the world: Nature.

I mean, it's hard to even fathom this. Especially when I will be first-author on such a paper. Of all the opportunities made, experiences earned and general life lessons I would get from this incredible job...this was by far the last thing I expected to get.


Actually.

The last thing I expected to get was finding something so special while I was in Maine that I find myself waking up with smile on my face, having an extra skip in my step through the day.

She's special.

The kind of special you write home to mom about.

The kind of special you don't rush and you let be its self.

The kind of special that I am not going to let pass me by.

Unlike those six weeks in Maine, this is something not so temporary but just as exciting and eye opening.

I went to Maine in a state of mind that said the world was my oyster, and somehow I left with an attitude of I could really do and have anything.

It's not a coincidence.

Maybe it was all by chance, but that's not how serendipity works.

Here's to us.


05 August 2010

Theories, Hypotheses and Beliefs


It's a great thing, this feeling I'm swimming in.

Somewhere between the foggy days with a quarter mile visibility over the harbor and the crystal clear waters of the inland lakes, to the wonders of those brown eyes, I'm starting to think there might actually be some sort of structure.

That is right. Structure in the chaos. What sort of structure? The sort that one finds incredulously frustrating while providing the most comforting guidance of your days.

It's the sort of feeling one can get lost in. It's the sort of feeling that you should get lost in.

On that note, I'm not sure there's much more to it.

I do know that I've been enjoying the smiles, making smiles and knowing that out of nowhere something so wonderful and so special can pop out of seemingly nowhere.

That something that comes from the unexpected, dissolving the expectations, while instantly gratifying your sense of what to expect.

It's truly the next step of figuring it all out.

26 July 2010


So.

It would appear, to the untrained and the trained, occular observers that I would be smack-dab in the middle of Acadia National park.

It would also appear that I've learned a lot about myself. Mainely (get it? Maine-ly...anyways), I require mountains, hiking trails, bays, harbors and sailboats to provide myself unequivocal sanity on the largest proportions.

I've been here 12 days...which is preposterous in itself!...and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of each day and every step of each trail. I've hiked most of the eastern shores of Mount Desert from Dorr Point to Sand Beach and all the summits in between. So far, Dorr Mountain, Beehive and Champlain have been my favorites. I believe that I will need to return to Cadillac Mountain by bike this time and go to the true summit, and not the tourist summit that misleads even the one's who care about summits and hiking.

So I've got just under a month--a day short--to take in the rest of Acadia and all of her sights. My brother and sister-in-law arrive the 17th and their visit will coincide with the Bar Harbor Jazz Fest...hell yeah!

I need to really buckle down and get some serious mileage on my bike up here, and a trip around the island sounds quite enticing. At least a ride to Northeast Harbor should be in order.

Tonight was a particularly good night; it's always a good night when you get a gorgeous girl's number. Wow.

To Acadia and Maine

24 June 2010

I won't look back anymore, I left the people that do


What can I say?

The summer program has merely 2 weeks left and I really can't believe it.

The past few days have been nothing but stellar. Tonight Wall, Cousins, Patterson, Bledsoe and Orton all went in the first round of the draft. WOW. Just, WOW. First time in history--go big BLUE!

Yesterday the US defeated Algeria in a stoppage time goal to win the group play--beating out England. I think we have a legitimate shot at our first title. Here's to that.

Monday made it over to Exit/In to see Megafaun. I almost missed the entire show but luckily I can read and had picked up a Nashville Scene last Thursday. Sunday night, flipped through it and BOOM Megafaun. It was a great show. Opening band was slick--local group Colorfeels, and there was a two-chick opening act, Midtown Dickens, who blew the place up (all 3o of us) and even played some tunes with Megafaun. Got to meet them after they went off and exchanged emails. I encourage everyone to check them out.

Things are going well. The family is being very positive about this round, and Dad is being a fucking trooper even though he just beat cancer only to face it again immediately. I think, if nothing else, the past year and 5 months have done nothing but bring our family so close, and I find myself fortunate to have such an incredible family--they are without a doubt the best family I could ever want. I feel sorry for you.

Maine in three weeks. I'm pumped. Getting my mind ready for the expedition, and my body as well. I'm a very fortunate person, and I do not take my position, my luck or my ability to find myself in these positions lightly.

I guess I'm doing something right, even though some things really make me think I'm not.

Just gotta push on, just gotta keep living. And the living's good anymore.

I need to go ask that chick at Harris Teeter out...

Here's to that.

13 June 2010

No Atlantis is too underwater or fictional.


Ok, so apparently it's June.

Yeah.

So we're two weeks into this summer program and I'm still as happy as I could be. I think this group of kids is, in some ways, better than last years. I think most of that is because I'm more prepared and equipped to be the mentor/friend/teacher to these kids.

I can't believe, though, that there are only 4 weeks in this program left. Before I know it, it's going to be over and before I know it again I'll be in Maine for a month and a half.

World Cup has been fun. Pleased with the draw against England yesterday--would have preferred the win and three points, but I'll take a tie with the Brits. Someone described it best today, "it'd be like the London handegg nancies tying up the game after 4 quarters against the 2003 New England Patriots." So yeah, I'll take that.

Game 5 of the Finals tonight. Go Celts! This team has most definitely become an extension of my pride for UK. Having Rondo as a the big guy right now does not hurt.

Been doing a lot of running, biking and lifting lately. I've decided I'm tired of not being in the shape I used to be--I want to look as good as I feel. Shallow? Not when it comes to prepping for one's long-term health.

I'm excited for the Half-Life related announcement tomorrow, Fallout New Vegas in the fall, Hal0:Reach and just next week iPhone OS 4.0. It's always nice to refresh something you do/use daily.

Jeff Van Gundy scares me. I think he was a super villain in a past life.

To listening to Noah & the Whale - Five Years Time on repeat countless times. I just can't shake you out of my head, and somethings starting to really tell me that maybe there's a reason for that. Just give me a sign.

12 June 2010


Well, then I look at you and say
It's the happiest that I've ever been
And I'll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she'd say
Yeah well I feel pretty happy too
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you

And though, if nearly all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking about them as I'm lying in bed
And I know that none of it may really ever come true
But in my mind I'm havin' a pretty good time with you

Oh in five years time
I might not know you
In five years time
We might not speak
Oh in five years time
We might not get along
In five years time
You might just prove me wrong

Wherever you go there'll be love

06 June 2010

I put a bullet in my Kia Lorenzo, a kitchen knife fucked in my face

I really feel great.

Like something of a re-charge of the ol' batteries. I think going home for a very long Memorial weekend-- Thursday to Monday--did a whole lot of good. I hadn't been home since christmas--so that's right, it had been 5 months since I'd been home. Definitely the longest I've ever gone from visiting home. It was just flat great too.

I miss my, pardon this use of an adjective, "old" friends so much. Boyd, Lena, and Seth are some of the greatest people I will ever know and it's such a pleasure to spend time with them. Bonfired it up Saturday and Sunday night, went on ridiculous drives to Ironton blasting ABBA and trying to contain a meth-fueled Seth--that's right, it was that bad.

Driving back to Nashville on Monday was therapeutic as it was cleansing. Getting home was about as rejuvenating as one can handle and the drive gave me plenty of time to collect my thoughts, my feelings and some misplaced aggressions I've been harboring. Though, not misplaced now, they are certainly still quite aggressive.

A new batch of summer high school students have arrived in my lab, and for the second summer in a row I'm playing the responsible teacher/mentor/friend to 12 very diverse and very interesting high schoolers and six undergrads from Vandy and TSU. Last summer I came into this experience with a lot of doubts; I had a great sense of longing for a place to land, and my mind was erratic. A year later, I've at least found a great place to land. Whereas I was scared shitless last summer being a mentor for high schoolers, I was excited this go-around and I'm so happy with this group. I really think I've clicked with all of them, and I could NOT be any happier to be any where on this planet.

Still holding out on that Felt Z100. Soon, though, soon.

New Band of Horses is just fan-fucking-tastic. You're a plain-ol' loser if you haven't made love to this album.

Ok, iPhone OS 4.0 can come any day now. I'm ready.

To the one I wronged, I'm sorry. To the one who wronged me, that was most certainly the last time. To the cute cashier chick at my grocery store, thank you for flirting with me last time I was in. You easily made my week that much better.

That's a pretty good "To" list, me thinks.

31 May 2010

You.

Yes, you.

You know exactly who you are.

No, not you, obviously not you, you're fine

But you.

Yeah. You.

Go fuck yourself, and take your fickle destiny with you.

19 May 2010

L O S T


If there is one story that I had to say was the most riveting story I'd ever heard across all of mythology, drama, and literature I think that I would be incapable of pointing to anything other than Lost.

It's almost unfortunate that Lost is a television show if only for the fact of what television does to the strength of something as a work of art or as a creative masterpiece. Lost is those things though and in no way do I think that just because it is a television show should that diminish that fact. I think Lost as anything less than a 6-year series would be nothing short of a shame. Lost is about the ride. The ride is why we watch, is why we feel so strongly.
I remember the first time I ever watched Lost; my mom and myself has seem promos for this new show that alluded to survivors of a plane crash on an island and that maybe there was something more to it than just a story of survival. The first episode opened with the iconic shot of Jack's eye and spent the next few minutes coming to grasp that he was in a bamboo thicket and ultimately walking out onto the serene beach only to realize the plane crash was right there. The chaos and the moment was perfectly played out as Jack the doctor walked completely beside himself through the wreckage and the screaming survivors. The few moments later saw the birth of Jack the leader as he began to run and help those in need, barking out orders and calling for people to do their part.

It was captivating. From the first 10 minutes of Lost I was hooked and there was no looking back.
Within the ending of the pilot it was clear that there was something very strange about this island. It wasn't deserted, there was definitely something there. The ideas were rampant and within the first episode it was already drawing a cult-like following. Dinosaurs, monsters, supernatural beings everything was fair game at this point. Why were there polar bears?

The mystery was dissolved in the shows character driven story from day one and was only going to become deeper and deeper. Lost progressed to at one point be nothing short of only causing more questions, and it seemed from season 2 to season 5 we were never given a single answer or explanation for the mounting events that could not be explained.

To be completely honest, if you don't like Lost then it's just because it wasn't the show for you. My entire following of Lost was first based on the monumental characters--of whom all are incredibly complex and well-thought out, and secondly on the inconsolable mystery that the show evoked.

The last three seasons, including this one, have been stellar and have really taken the story from characters to the plot and back.

Sunday see's the end of Lost, and I can be sure of one thing, that all of the emotional investment in the characters and the story will be extremely hard to bear.

Despite my reservations to the slight cheesiness of the golden light well (which was the only thing I did not like from the second to most recent episode), I did think the ending with the flashback to Jack, Kate and Locke with the bodies and the marble bag was nothing short of fantastic--how truly full circle this show will end Sunday will be nothing short of spectacular.

I can not help but think this show is going to end absolutely splendidly. If only because I've abandoned trying to understand what is happening since probably half way through season 1 and to just enjoying the ride.

I think the concert in the last episode is going to be a deeply emotional apex of the series, and I think whether all the answers are given or not is beside the point. I think it will always have been about the ride up to this point, and no matter how LOST ends it will always be about ride and not the destination.


Here's to Jack and Kate.

15 May 2010

hold tight the bondage of this life is slipping


It's flippantly official.

I love Nashville.

I thought I could make it through this gig--this gift of an opportunity--without falling desperately and madly in love with this fucking city.

There I went.

There I went and fell in love and somewhere along the line I didn't even realize it. Maybe it's the stark contrast of cultures and lifestyles here--yet everyone has a common connection. It's the very feeling one gets when in Lexington with basketball. It's just something that permeates the city binding us all. I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's the food here. Oh man, the food. It's so good here. Nashville is one of the foodiest cities I've ever been too. From McDougals chicken and San Antonio Taco Co. to Margot's and Tayst and essentially every where in between. It's incredible, it's delectable, it's unforgivable. It's that good.

Maybe it's Hillsboro Village where I live. It's like a super miniature main drag of downtown without the (lovable) tackiness and country music. Fido's is one of the most special cafes--hardly a definition available for what it is. Provence is a little sliver of Paris right down the street from me (and Oh, how I miss Paris). The shops are all interesting, especially Davis Cookware.

This is a one-in-a-million shop. It looks like it's been there since 1890 and they haven't bothered to clean-up a single day since then--and thank god. Maneuvering through the store is a task; one must be paying attention. Which is apt since if you dare enter this store to dilly-dally or to come without an education on what you're looking for then don't come crying when the shop owners hardly show their impatience and contempt for your ignorance.

I learned quite early on. Last time there I had a singular mission for a 12-inch cast-iron skillet. I walked in, greeted the fine gentleman with a "Hello" and a smile and proceeding hastily to the items in question. As I looked he asked me from the counter what I was looking for. After asking if he had a heat-diffuser so as to not scratch my ceramic stove-top and to better heat the cast-iron as ceramic (I had heard) did not heat the cast-iron well, he annoyingly asked "Why do you need something like that?" After explaining my purpose he quipped, "Well let's think about the simple physics of this. Your stove is hot, this is metal, it will get hot. I was annoyed, and thought the guy thought nothing of me. I proceeded to the register but before a woman came in and asked about something--she had NO idea what she wanted or was looking for and wasn't about to figure it out anytime soon, and another man in front of me checking out was deciding things he didn't want because he didn't check the price and didn't want them anymore.

He said to me at the register after ever so genuinely and defeated, "Thank you for knowing what you wanted and being a good customer."

Now that's a store with character--customer isn't right, customer should be educated in what they want. I tend to agree.

Maybe it's the availability of everything you need within almost reaching distance. The corner store where I go for most of my groceries, I've come to know most of the workers there and greetings aren't generic "hellos" but instead, "oh, hey!"

You can't put a price on that.

I've always thought my future lied somewhere else but it starts to wear on you; that feeling of longing for something but no something in sight. I used to think I knew what I had to work towards--but when you're the only one doing the working-towards you tend to stop wanting to work on it. THAT's where I'm at now. Deciding on what to work on now. A good friend of mine is trying to get me to go to Atlanta for PA school (maybe DO the more I really think about it) and that's something I wouldn't have considered even a month ago.

Georgia. Why not? It's in Decatur which is 20 minutes from Atlanta. Atlanta has a lot to offer, not least my cousin and her wonderful family. That's an enticing reason in itself. I want Kentucky, and Kentucky wants me, but what I want in Kentucky has to want me.

If there is
anything that a year removed from college has taught me it is to never assume the future. This job has been better than I could have ever imagined; I love, love, love, my co-researchers, I'm getting a 6-week paid working vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine on the same island as Acadia National Park, and Nashville has given me so much.

I'm ready to start letting the wave take me wherever it's headed; if I end up on the shores I wanted then fine--that's perfect, but if it's other shores for me, then fine--that's perfect.

The next two weeks will be seeing a good amount of lusting over the Felt Z100 (see above) that I'm almost certainly getting.

Oh, good heavens.

09 May 2010






I've got it all, most
I've got it all almost all figured out
But always when I get there
Always when I get there all the pieces they just fall apart

05 May 2010

It's the one that keeps happening over and over and over again

Despite overwhelmingly disheartening turn of events, I've really found a comfortable way to be happy as of late.

I've done quite a bit the past few weeks. And it's been good to be busy. Nashville is under water, but in all reality the vast majority of the city is perfectly unaffected. Myself included. I hopped out of town to go home to Kentucky for Derby weekend and that was pertinently awesome.

Friday we camped out, roasted kielbasa, drank lime Jim & Cokes, enjoyed some swings and chatted aimlessly in the night. Jeff and I definitely stayed up well-past sunrise and finally decided to get some sleep just seconds before it started to positivelyy downpour. All of us were (I would say crammed, but that was not the case) in a single tent. A ri-god-damn-diculously big tent. I promise 15 people could have slept reasonably comfortably.


Then it continued to rain. And continued. Until I made it back to Nashville late Sunday night. Where I found the devastation of the flooding. Ugh. No it's isn't Katrina, but it's bad.

I feel like the only apologist for Kristen Stewart on the planet. Granted Twilight happened--which I did actually see and didn't think was terrible, not that it's my cup of tea--but, shit, every time I watch Adventureland I fall in love all over again with her. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I think she's genuinely modest and would be close to the coolest chick to hang out with in the world. Maybe I just want to secretly get a job at a Pittsburgh theme park and meet get stoned and fall in love with this chick.

All in all, I know things will work out--they always do. After all, this time last year I thought the floor was dropping out from under me, but I came to Nashville, fell in love, ended up with the greatest job, melted my heart in this incredible city and still managed to keep most of the most important things in my life, just there, in my life.

Of course, it only takes one thing to make you feel like it's all great or all terrible, but all the other good things are pretty damn good. Just keep on keepin' on, and stay positive.

Yep, I am the master of mixing mint juleps now. Maker's, fresh spearmint and pure joy.

Kentucky is just great. One day I'll be home, but today the world is my oyster.

To Nashville and finding your happiness.

03 May 2010

Reflecting is always a good thing.



I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When you leave for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears
and when they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
this is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

27 April 2010

Your love will be, safe with me


This modern looking, contemporary art image is a map of my mouse cursor over the course of 3 hours. It's called IO Graphica and it's pretty awesome. I made this, and this being the only one, a few months back and basically just forgot about it. I set it to run, forgot about it, then three hours later it was like, 'hey, here's your cursor map...because you totally needed this.'

Yep. It's official. I have become an NBA fan. I've watched every Cav and Celtics game and most of Oklahoma City in the Playoffs so far, and so far Celtics have advanced (Go, Rondo! UK!) and looks like Cavs may finish off the Bulls. There are so many UK players that it's sort of like watching old UK games...sort of. Plus Joakim Noah is a Bull and it feels oh, so, good watching (UK fan) Lebron school that Florida filth. I used to really hate the Gators, but they suck anymore so...eh...

Apparently the whole Coach Cal conversation with Larry Brown is being speculated that it was either (a) an exhibition game with an NBA team--which is very unlikely as there are plenty of rules against that kind of thing, or (b) an exhibition game with former Cats (many NBA) and maybe even a few non-UK NBA stars, a la Lebron. I really, REALLY like this idea. I will gladly take that and would love to go to that more than Madness. Which speaking of, Madness is only five and a half months away.

Cavs advance. Hells yes.

I haven't played guitar as much as I have in the last 3 weeks in a very long time. Playing Blindsided (Bon Iver) was utter bliss. One of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, and it's still just as powerful three years later.

I've found that Say Anything and Smiths may be some of the best work-out bands. Not typical music for working out, but it totally does it. Say Anything makes way more sense--very high energy, but Smiths I just don't understand but I'll be damned if that doesn't do it for me.

Independent Study classes going well, things are good. I've had to relearn how to be single and it was tough at first. I've found my stride though, and it feels good to rely on no one but yourself for a time. I have realized more so than I ever had about a very big part of my life. I feel like I've never been so resolute about getting something, and I will have what I see at the end of this journey. Dug.

To Lebron and Sierra Nevada Summerfest--the best summer brew as always.

25 April 2010

On ho, oh no.


I absolutely love this photo; it's a six-month exposure of some bridge (I don't rightly remember--no, not the Brooklyn, or that one in Cincy that was a precursor to the Brooklyn Bridge--anyways).

The long, paint-like arcs above the bridge are of the sun's seasonal variations in height. It's always fascinating to see something clearly demonstrated with actual, natural, physical examples instead of the usual man-made graphics in texts of such phenomenon. Sort of like seeing video of the curvature of the Earth; as if it is some sort of proof of accepted ideas.

Yep, that's right. Proof of an accepted idea. That's so contrary to how should logically think of things. Yet, we still--even hen we 100% believe in something--must find some sort of affirmation for that belief. Why is that? How is that? Honestly, I find it hard to believe that we all need to be shown that yes, A is true even though you would sworn your own life by it.

But, it's how we think. It's how we are, and I know I'm the first to desire that the things I know be proven and confirmed--at least once. Oddly, though, the things I can't really know--or ever know--I don't find myself too interested in proving. Maybe it's a subconscious understanding that it's a waste of time. Or is it?

I don't know.

I've been listening to a fuck-load of Langhorne Slim. While I was first introduced to him by a relative (an extremely awesome relative, obviously) last summer when I traveled to the good ol' Cali-fone-ya, I have been steadily becoming more and more of a fan over the last nine months or so. In an almost rebirth of this interest in his music, the last two weeks have been almost nothing but Slim's music. That's the obsessive personality characteristic coming to fruition; I can't let something I enjoy remain in moderation, on ho, oh no. The pleasure of meeting him en concert a few weeks back was of utmost pleasure. Incredibly humble and eager to meet his fans; granted there were probably only 10 of us in the entire building (and I knew one of them) who were there mainly for Slim, it was satisfying to meet such a troubadour with such a well-mannered demeanor.

The next few chapters are really hard to foresee at this point. I know the major plot points, and where the story is (and is likely) heading, but I really can't quite see the actual plot lines. For myself, it's strange to not at least be able to anticipate the general idea of how that following week or two will unfold and what obstacles/challenges/ideals/etc. I will face, but I feel strangely relieved by this.

I think it's too easy to get comfortable with the norm. Sometimes a good shakin' is all your outlook needs.

Shake away, I 'spose.

------

It rained a lot this weekend--and I mean a lot. A good rain always sort of resets the world. Like that feeling after taking a shower after not taking one for three days--yeah, I know, I really stretched for that metaphor.

I have found myself thinking lately how much I miss such simple pleasures. That goes back to the whole 'regret' thing I used to hark on all the time. It's so easy to remember the big events in your life--the important and altering events--but it's so impossible to forget all those little things that you used to live sublimely. The best (and worst part) is that you can never remember all of these events at any given time--unlike the big events. So you spend your days doing your routine and then

BAM!

You remember that one ride on the flat on the ATV, or that drive around Ashland late at night with a couple cafe mochas. Or that time at the soccer field with the only people in the world that mattered. That ungodly early morning wake to a friend who traveled far and early just to see you. Or that time when you slammed on your breaks, nearly going through a crowded intersection somewhere on US-23 in Ohio. Or that time at the flood walls on the banks of the Ohio, eating, of all things, mcdonalds. That one time at the irish pub with the incessantly rude (as yet indeterminable) europeans. That time, laying in bed reading an article out of the National Geographic the night before a doctors visit. All those cool summer nights in the fields, made so very warm by the crackling fire, but mostly by the joy of your company.

Of all the things I do to sustain my survival--eating, sleeping, exercising, working--it's the little box of these memories that does the most, and that will be true, always.

I made a decision the other day to play with my old band at least once more. It seems it may--if only 75%--happen. Of that 75%, I am just as satisfied. Now to make it happen--the wheels are turning, just gotta make 'em move.

The wheels are turning, now to make it happen.

23 April 2010

Oh, guten tag Spring.

Looks like it's officially spring, and has been for a while now.

Again, I keep finding myself wrestling with the old addage, 'time flies when you get older' and I'm starting to think it's got me pinned in a headlock and is not likely to show much mercy or pity. I think...yep...I'm fine with that.

Just means I have to take it all in a little more, and to bombard my brain with memories to make the illusion of longer periods of time.

As it stands, my job at Vanderbilt gets better and better; I feel like even in the last two months this position has gone from being rewarding and challenging to exciting and dream-like. First, the plan was to have me here maybe a year. Now, it's not only definitely going to be a year but instead a year and 9 months or so since it's very likely I will have this position until next January.

At which time I will be, hopefully (but don't cross your fingers--I've learned that actually does not work), will be starting my two-year term at UK as a physician assistant student. A PA is something I've honestly considered for a very long time--I found myself always attracted to the career and I think my time at Vanderbilt has been revelatory in many ways, but especially in helping me to realize what I want to do every day of my life. Honestly, I could do what I'm doing now for eternity, but I'm not as interested as I once was in getting my PhD, and well a research tech doesn't have the ceiling that other graduate study careers do. Odd, I know...

The best surprise from working in my lab comes this summer. My PI is sending me to Bar Harbor, Maine for 4-6 weeks in July. Bar Harbor is by far one of the most beautiful places on earth with Acadia national park on the very same island that I will be on. I'm very excited, and this is a huge opportunity for me. I can't wait to spend my days doing science with my good pals the Hagfish, and spend my evenings exploring the islands shores, trees, waters, the coastal towns all with my camera and my hiking boots.

At this point, I think I'm mostly done with trying to control what happens. As the past month has already showed me, if I just surrender to the air I will be happily whisked away to all sorts of places.

There is one thing that I'm definitely never going to give up on.

I look forward to that future--I could never be more sure of this one thing. I could never be more in love with something. Dug.

To opportunities, summers in Maine and those dreams of you.

21 February 2010

After a weekend that was quite full of Fallout 3 playage (finally a level 20 after 60 hours) I fell in love with the soundtrack all over again. One of the most fun songs on Galaxy News Radio.

Each morning, a missionary advertises neon sign
He tells the native population that civilization is fine
And three educated savages holler from a bamboo tree
That civilization is a thing for me to see So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords, I make it clear
That no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

I looked through a magazine the missionary's wife concealed (Magazine? What happens?)
I see how people who are civilized bung you with automobile (You know you can get hurt that way Daniel?)
At the movies they have got to pay many coconuts to see (What do they see, Darling?)
Uncivilized pictures that the newsreel takes of me So bongo, bongo, bongo, he don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, he's so happy in the jungle, he refuse to go
Don't want no penthouse, bathtub, streetcars, taxis, noise in my ear
So, no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

They hurry like savages to get aboard an iron train
And though it's smokey and it's crowded, they're too civilized to complain
When they've got two weeks vacation, they hurry to vacation ground (What do they do, Darling?)
They swim and they fish, but that's what I do all year round So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no jailhouse, shotgun, fish-hooks, golf clubs, I got my spears
So, no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

They have things like the atom bomb, so I think I'll stay where I "ahm"
Civilization, I'll stay right here!

audio for your listening pleasure

Until next time, this is Three Dog, Owwww Ooooooh!

10 February 2010

Change, change, change.


Yes, it does seem that I have found a healthy (?) dose of change in the last day or so. Definitely did not want it, definitely did not deserve it, definitely am trying to be positive about it.



I think being positive is all it's cracked up to be. Why? Well, because, whenever I take the positivism approach I usually end up either indifferent or feeling OK about normally depressing events. So, here I go again.

Had a great weekend. Made it up to Berea--and by Berea I mean spending all of 3 hours in Berea and the rest in Richmond and Mt. Sterling (McCoy's place) where we watched UK demolish LSU and had one of the best nights in a LOOOONG time, respectively.

Speaking of that night. It was realllllly good. Also, one of the best drunken impromptu playings of Gin and Juice (the Gourds version) with myself on guitar, McCoy on bass and Hargis leading the choir to a rousing rendition. Fucking A it was good enough to have been in an Avett Brothers show.

Next weekend looks promising; that crew is most likely traversing to Nashville for some good times and maybe to see the UK vs. Vandy game. Who knows.

Langhorne Slim and Drive-By in Lexington in April. Countdown started.

Trey is at the Ryman in a couple weeks...fuck I need to get a ticket.

--end stream of thought--