Thoughts from the field

I've been gone for 5 weeks to the Great Northeast.

Starting with a week in New London, New Hampshire (lot's of New's there, eh?) at the Gordon Research Conference on Collagen and then the last four weeks here on Mt. Desert Island.

The Gordon Conference was, what's the phrase, eye-opening. I learned more about the overall field of study that is collagen than I have in the last two years of studying collagen IV. To be more specific, I learned that there are very few who spend their time and dollars on studying the collagen IV molecule. Why is that I thought? When you see that most study collagen I, II, III, X, etc. you see the overall interest in the bone, tendon and cartilage part of collagen. Does that make sense though? Sure it does. Everybody tears ligaments, tendons, breaks bones and develops late-onset conditions with old age.

But wait.

What about dia-effing-betes? Everyone knows someone who has it, and it's a global problem. Nevermind my own interests stemming from the evolutionary importance of tissue and collagen IV being the absolute requirement for our tissues. All in all, I know I'm in a good field because I can see it's importance but not many others can.

Maine this year has been something of an enigma. It's different than last year, I feel less like a visitor or a tourist this year than last and maybe that has a lot to do with it. I hit the ground running from day one with what I knew I wanted to do and have a had a more succinct time here so far. There were also other reasons for it being different than last year, but I don't have the anxiety of leaving like I did last year.

In fact, I'm actually quite looking forward to going home. This summer has been the most productive, career-progressing two months in my two years removed from college. I go back to Nashville with a real sense of purpose. I see a path ahead of me and it's paved in science, maybe medicine and certainly education.

A whole lot of education. I start grad school in about two weeks and this Fall will see me taking an increased role in our Aspirnaut outreach programs. We're expanding in Maine, big-time, and I will see myself balancing grad school, full-time research, heading up more aspects of Aspirnaut and bringing several projects to a head.

Home means a lot of things. New car, familiar things, access to more things, closer to certain people and being that much closer to fall.

Yes, I'm already excited about cider and leaves falling and cooler weather in Nashville.

Here we go.

Here I am again

It's crazy to think where a year goes. Even crazier to think what happens in that year.

How much has really happened though? If you put it all out on the table, take a good hard look, what's really so different. People? A few, sure. Places? Not so much. Things? Almost certainly yes. What about the real stuff--how you feel, what you think, what you care about--who you care about. Those things are always more telling in the grand scheme of change.

Sometimes those things don't change--and that's alright. But sometimes, those things change quite a bit. It's in these categories that we really get a good feel of who we are at this very moment in time.

So, what has really happened in the last year I ask myself? It would seem a lot. How do we measure change like this--is their anything to gain from this metric? What do you do knowing how you're mind changes--do you run with it or do you cower from it? If we're telling the truth, I think there's very little to gain from understanding how much we change. Where do we apply this new knowledge? I don't think you can rightly start planning how your feelings and what you care about are going to change. How can that work?

So what do I see now? I come back to Maine and I see myself differently--in a much different way than I can when I'm home. Here, it's like stepping back in time one full year and asking yourself, 'do I see things the same now as I did last time I looked here?'. Unequivocally, I say no, I do not see things quite the same way. I see them more fully, with more knowledge and experience and with more understanding of how I fit into "it all". And that knowledge is generally more that I don't know enough and I know very little.

Maybe that is all we're meant to glean from such experiences--the knowledge that you don't quite know shit.

I'll take it.