You.

Yes, you.

You know exactly who you are.

No, not you, obviously not you, you're fine

But you.

Yeah. You.

Go fuck yourself, and take your fickle destiny with you.

L O S T

If there is one story that I had to say was the most riveting story I'd ever heard across all of mythology, drama, and literature I think that I would be incapable of pointing to anything other than Lost.

It's almost unfortunate that Lost is a television show if only for the fact of what television does to the strength of something as a work of art or as a creative masterpiece. Lost is those things though and in no way do I think that just because it is a television show should that diminish that fact. I think Lost as anything less than a 6-year series would be nothing short of a shame. Lost is about the ride. The ride is why we watch, is why we feel so strongly.
I remember the first time I ever watched Lost; my mom and myself has seem promos for this new show that alluded to survivors of a plane crash on an island and that maybe there was something more to it than just a story of survival. The first episode opened with the iconic shot of Jack's eye and spent the next few minutes coming to grasp that he was in a bamboo thicket and ultimately walking out onto the serene beach only to realize the plane crash was right there. The chaos and the moment was perfectly played out as Jack the doctor walked completely beside himself through the wreckage and the screaming survivors. The few moments later saw the birth of Jack the leader as he began to run and help those in need, barking out orders and calling for people to do their part.

It was captivating. From the first 10 minutes of Lost I was hooked and there was no looking back.
Within the ending of the pilot it was clear that there was something very strange about this island. It wasn't deserted, there was definitely something there. The ideas were rampant and within the first episode it was already drawing a cult-like following. Dinosaurs, monsters, supernatural beings everything was fair game at this point. Why were there polar bears?

The mystery was dissolved in the shows character driven story from day one and was only going to become deeper and deeper. Lost progressed to at one point be nothing short of only causing more questions, and it seemed from season 2 to season 5 we were never given a single answer or explanation for the mounting events that could not be explained.

To be completely honest, if you don't like Lost then it's just because it wasn't the show for you. My entire following of Lost was first based on the monumental characters--of whom all are incredibly complex and well-thought out, and secondly on the inconsolable mystery that the show evoked.

The last three seasons, including this one, have been stellar and have really taken the story from characters to the plot and back.

Sunday see's the end of Lost, and I can be sure of one thing, that all of the emotional investment in the characters and the story will be extremely hard to bear.

Despite my reservations to the slight cheesiness of the golden light well (which was the only thing I did not like from the second to most recent episode), I did think the ending with the flashback to Jack, Kate and Locke with the bodies and the marble bag was nothing short of fantastic--how truly full circle this show will end Sunday will be nothing short of spectacular.

I can not help but think this show is going to end absolutely splendidly. If only because I've abandoned trying to understand what is happening since probably half way through season 1 and to just enjoying the ride.

I think the concert in the last episode is going to be a deeply emotional apex of the series, and I think whether all the answers are given or not is beside the point. I think it will always have been about the ride up to this point, and no matter how LOST ends it will always be about ride and not the destination.

Here's to Jack and Kate.

hold tight the bondage of this life is slipping

It's flippantly official.

I love Nashville.

I thought I could make it through this gig--this gift of an opportunity--without falling desperately and madly in love with this fucking city.

There I went.

There I went and fell in love and somewhere along the line I didn't even realize it. Maybe it's the stark contrast of cultures and lifestyles here--yet everyone has a common connection. It's the very feeling one gets when in Lexington with basketball. It's just something that permeates the city binding us all. I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's the food here. Oh man, the food. It's so good here. Nashville is one of the foodiest cities I've ever been too. From McDougals chicken and San Antonio Taco Co. to Margot's and Tayst and essentially every where in between. It's incredible, it's delectable, it's unforgivable. It's that good.

Maybe it's Hillsboro Village where I live. It's like a super miniature main drag of downtown without the (lovable) tackiness and country music. Fido's is one of the most special cafes--hardly a definition available for what it is. Provence is a little sliver of Paris right down the street from me (and Oh, how I miss Paris). The shops are all interesting, especially Davis Cookware.

This is a one-in-a-million shop. It looks like it's been there since 1890 and they haven't bothered to clean-up a single day since then--and thank god. Maneuvering through the store is a task; one must be paying attention. Which is apt since if you dare enter this store to dilly-dally or to come without an education on what you're looking for then don't come crying when the shop owners hardly show their impatience and contempt for your ignorance.

I learned quite early on. Last time there I had a singular mission for a 12-inch cast-iron skillet. I walked in, greeted the fine gentleman with a "Hello" and a smile and proceeding hastily to the items in question. As I looked he asked me from the counter what I was looking for. After asking if he had a heat-diffuser so as to not scratch my ceramic stove-top and to better heat the cast-iron as ceramic (I had heard) did not heat the cast-iron well, he annoyingly asked "Why do you need something like that?" After explaining my purpose he quipped, "Well let's think about the simple physics of this. Your stove is hot, this is metal, it will get hot. I was annoyed, and thought the guy thought nothing of me. I proceeded to the register but before a woman came in and asked about something--she had NO idea what she wanted or was looking for and wasn't about to figure it out anytime soon, and another man in front of me checking out was deciding things he didn't want because he didn't check the price and didn't want them anymore.

He said to me at the register after ever so genuinely and defeated, "Thank you for knowing what you wanted and being a good customer."

Now that's a store with character--customer isn't right, customer should be educated in what they want. I tend to agree.

Maybe it's the availability of everything you need within almost reaching distance. The corner store where I go for most of my groceries, I've come to know most of the workers there and greetings aren't generic "hellos" but instead, "oh, hey!"

You can't put a price on that.

I've always thought my future lied somewhere else but it starts to wear on you; that feeling of longing for something but no something in sight. I used to think I knew what I had to work towards--but when you're the only one doing the working-towards you tend to stop wanting to work on it. THAT's where I'm at now. Deciding on what to work on now. A good friend of mine is trying to get me to go to Atlanta for PA school (maybe DO the more I really think about it) and that's something I wouldn't have considered even a month ago.

Georgia. Why not? It's in Decatur which is 20 minutes from Atlanta. Atlanta has a lot to offer, not least my cousin and her wonderful family. That's an enticing reason in itself. I want Kentucky, and Kentucky wants me, but what I want in Kentucky has to want me.

If there is anything that a year removed from college has taught me it is to never assume the future. This job has been better than I could have ever imagined; I love, love, love, my co-researchers, I'm getting a 6-week paid working vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine on the same island as Acadia National Park, and Nashville has given me so much.

I'm ready to start letting the wave take me wherever it's headed; if I end up on the shores I wanted then fine--that's perfect, but if it's other shores for me, then fine--that's perfect.

The next two weeks will be seeing a good amount of lusting over the Felt Z100 (see above) that I'm almost certainly getting.

Oh, good heavens.

I've got it all, most
I've got it all almost all figured out
But always when I get there
Always when I get there all the pieces they just fall apart

It's the one that keeps happening over and over and over again

Despite overwhelmingly disheartening turn of events, I've really found a comfortable way to be happy as of late.

I've done quite a bit the past few weeks. And it's been good to be busy. Nashville is under water, but in all reality the vast majority of the city is perfectly unaffected. Myself included. I hopped out of town to go home to Kentucky for Derby weekend and that was pertinently awesome.

Friday we camped out, roasted kielbasa, drank lime Jim & Cokes, enjoyed some swings and chatted aimlessly in the night. Jeff and I definitely stayed up well-past sunrise and finally decided to get some sleep just seconds before it started to positivelyy downpour. All of us were (I would say crammed, but that was not the case) in a single tent. A ri-god-damn-diculously big tent. I promise 15 people could have slept reasonably comfortably.


Then it continued to rain. And continued. Until I made it back to Nashville late Sunday night. Where I found the devastation of the flooding. Ugh. No it's isn't Katrina, but it's bad.

I feel like the only apologist for Kristen Stewart on the planet. Granted Twilight happened--which I did actually see and didn't think was terrible, not that it's my cup of tea--but, shit, every time I watch Adventureland I fall in love all over again with her. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I think she's genuinely modest and would be close to the coolest chick to hang out with in the world. Maybe I just want to secretly get a job at a Pittsburgh theme park and meet get stoned and fall in love with this chick.

All in all, I know things will work out--they always do. After all, this time last year I thought the floor was dropping out from under me, but I came to Nashville, fell in love, ended up with the greatest job, melted my heart in this incredible city and still managed to keep most of the most important things in my life, just there, in my life.

Of course, it only takes one thing to make you feel like it's all great or all terrible, but all the other good things are pretty damn good. Just keep on keepin' on, and stay positive.

Yep, I am the master of mixing mint juleps now. Maker's, fresh spearmint and pure joy.

Kentucky is just great. One day I'll be home, but today the world is my oyster.

To Nashville and finding your happiness.

Reflecting is always a good thing.

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When you leave for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears
and when they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
this is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.