Nashvegas City Skyline

no regrets

2012-01-18T20:23:00.000-06:00

Mt. St. Helena behind Calistoga. Taken in September 2009

But tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

Oh tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

mumford & sons - white blank page

the future is fine by me

2012-01-17T00:10:00.000-06:00

some land holds a home
some of my years only hold me to Rome
but I tell myself its true
you see a home you see a man
you see it too

and I say don't you know you have her
go on kiss her now you boy

I got wise and I got old
not once, not once did I fall
so dont you now

I got wise and I got old
not once, not once did I fall
so dont you now

blind pilot - new york

where the grass is dyed

2012-01-04T23:34:00.000-06:00

-------------
joe was born in new york city, son of paul and catherine
always down and always out,
but his 'morrows always seemed just fine
there will be bigotry and there will be open minds
there will be days of peace; you'll never have the time
as long as you keep a straight face,
i will be there when you die
i was born in east kentucky, home of where the grass is dyed
always down and always out,
but my 'morrows always seemed just fine
there will be bigotry and there will be open minds
there will be days of peace you'll never have the time
as long as you keep a straight face,
i will be there when you die.

-------------

my morning jacket - i will be there when you die

My Beautiful Game

2011-11-06T13:12:00.001-06:00

If I could go back. That's an interesting question posed to me the other day. It turned into a long and well-visited topic, and at the end I had a unintended, unexpected satisfaction. It wasn't necessarily about any one thing at first, but all the little things in life that would have changed not only who you are but what you'd become. It ended up not really being about education, science or medicine. It was about a game.

The Beautiful Game Was My Calling Afterall.

I tell people all the time when they ask, "yeah, I played for 16 years. I loved it, but I just fell out of love with the game". Is that true though? How does the one thing you spent doing in your life the very most just fall by the way-side? I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Well, not really anyways. I obsessed over soccer when I was a kid. I stopped playing baseball, as a perennial All-Star in my league since it couldn't quench my thirst quite like soccer. I was the only 12 year old I knew who actually knew what the EPL and a league table were. Who knew that the Spurs were an awful, terrible atrocity and that being a Gooner was a divine-right. That Thierry Henry was magical and I didn't think anyone could be as incredible as that Frenchman. Except for Dennis Bergkamp of course; but that goes without saying.

I played Y-league as a kid, ventured into regional clubs in middle school, played for the middle school team (god, we were awful) where I reinforced the friendship of my longest and most important friendship of my life and made one of the most important friendships, both of which are still so important to me. From there I played high school football where I met my first true test as not only a player, but as a person when I was benched and downtrodden my first season. My ass was kicked in practice, in training in being coached about every little detail of my game. Rarely seeing playing time, but putting out as much effort in not only practice but training I became very frustrated in the lack of respect and acknowledgment. I was young and dumb. I should reiterate that: I was dumb. I was young. I was young and dumb. It all culminated in the Regional's. Playing against arch-rivals Ashland Independent, we had imploded in the game and were down 6-0 with (I'm pretty sure less than this, but I'm being conservative) 40 seconds left on the clock. My coach turned to myself and a few others and said we were going in. It was a cold, rainy miserable October night and I was warm, angry and young and dumb. I told him, "No."

"Are you serious?" He said with an anger I'd never seen. "What you don't want to get dirty?"

"Nope." I said, and he sent someone else in my stead.

I knew it was fruitless, I knew I could make absolutely no difference and the simple fact that he told me to go in and play was more an insult that said, "I'm putting you in just to say I put you in, but you're not worthy to play". But I couldn't have been further from the truth. Some of my teammates lauded me (the coach was a real hardass--but a great coach nonetheless), others didn't say anything. I felt vindicated, but I know years later I was furthest from being on that team the moment I said no. I was a bystander. Selfish and inward looking, I wanted to put on the pitch, not to have to earn it.

The next year, that coach was gone and I was excited to start the season with the assistant coach taking the maestro seat. I had a good relationship with him. Jorge Serrano. He had played in the minor league in Mexico and had a tremendous amount of respect from all of us on the team, never mind his genuine and caring report he had with us. He nitpicked, he pushed, he had the format to get us all into shape and win. That season, sure enough, I made first-team and officially started in my favorite position. Sweeper. I loved it more than center back, full back and even midfield. I was the last line of defense literally to protect my Keeper. I relished it. We did alright that year and the next, but it was never any marquee moments like we had in beating Russell in Districts my first year. I remember another drawn out period of boneheadedness from myself my Junior year where I had gotten "clever" so I thought, and taken a simple, but effective trick from watching pros, in which you use the outside of your foot as your primary passing tool. Instead of the fundamental upper inside 2/5ths of the boot, I would hit a ball from the upper 1/3rd of my outside foot. It was quick, defenders and strikers couldn't react as quickly, and I'll be damned if my passing was better than 40% those first few games. But, I knew it worked. Well, would work with more experience. It culminated in practice where after imploring my to stop, and being patient, my coach said, "if you use your outside one more time you're going to run 20 laps for each pass". At the end of practice we'd always scrimmage. We'd be worn out, tired and huffing to put in game-worthy effort as that was what coach expected from us. I honestly don't know what happened, I don't remember feeling rebellious--I think I was genuinely doing it out of habit, I used my outside and it was a perfect pass that led to a goal not 5 minutes after the final warning from coach. I was ecstatic! It's a perfect technique! "AARON! 20 LAPS AND YOU BETTER HUSTLE. GO!"

WHAT!? But I just had a beautiful assist. Imagine that in the game!

Needless to say, that was the last time I ever had to do 20 laps for an outside boot pass. I learned right then that coach is chief and if he doesn't think I am capable then he knows better than me. I remember my senior year, he spent time with me at the beginning of the season to teach me clever, quick and efficient passing moves. One of which was proper outside boot passing. I just wasn't ready the year previous.

Probably three-fourths of the way through my Junior season, coach elected to move me to center-back. We played an effective diamond defense. A sweeper in front of keeper (my beloved position), a right and left fullback who played in tandem, and a stopper who, in my case, was expected to play a more defensive midfielder role. I won't lie, at first I was very excited. I wanted to play midfield. For all my love of defense, I wanted to play box-to-box, to have goal scoring opportunities...I wanted what deflecting a certain goal out of your own net couldn't give you. Deflecting a certain goal into the other teams net. So I took it as a promotion. That's what it was meant to be, he knew I wanted midfield action. Here's the thing. When you play sweeper--defense in general--for the better part of 10 years you have some...let's say...growing pains when you move to a more offensive role, even as a defensive midfielder. I couldn't grasp that unlike a sweeper in which you play the middle 25-30 yards centered right in front of keeper and never going further up than your fullbacks, and how fullbacks play the same 25-30 yards but on their respective "halves", a stopper--a midfielding stopper--plays the full width of the pitch. Providing support, passing lanes and pressure for your full-backs, midfielders and pushing all the way up to the opposition box. So for what felt like 10 games straight, my coach would yell at me and only me from the sideline, "AARON! GET OVER HERE!", "AARON! HELP TYLER!", "AARON! GET BACK! GET BACK!", "AARON! CLOSE HIM DOWN!" I was frustrated. No I was helpless. I couldn't understand where I should be, when I should be there and what I should be doing. Should I be pressing the offense? Running for the defense? I literally learned by trial and error and endured plenty of benchings in that period while my coach would stand next to me and explain where I should be running and on what cues. I finally got it, and I when I got it, I really got it. I never got a goal, but I did have chances. I was just glad to be learning. It felt good to finally let yourself be coached.

My senior year was truly special. The most fun I ever had playing the game and truly the most inspired year I ever played. There were 10 of us seniors that year, and we were all first-team. 10 seniors, and a sophomore keeper. We had it all. I was best friends with the entire team and our chemistry was such that I don't think many teams anywhere could hope to have. We returned our best player who had burnt out the previous year, added players who had never played but were well deserved to be on the pitch. I remember that game of my life well. It was without a doubt a man of the match performance. We were hosting South Point. They were good. Not great, but they would threaten strongly even at home. I was playing Sweeper to start the game and from the early minutes had found my match-up in a bright-blonde haired jerk-off. He was physical and I found myself being pushed, knocked and ribbed the entire game. In the first half, there were two completely wide-open net shots by South Point, one by the jerk-off in which the Keep hadn't come far off his line to deflect the ball. I remained in the goal to play a half-keeper in those situations. Twice the ball was either far to my right or nearly above my head, but I was able to deflect both of those certain goals. I remember the elation from my Keeper--thanking me for saving what he couldn't. I was jacked-up. I was pumped. As the game progressed, that blonde-haired asshole stepped up his game and ribbings. I was moved to midfield to match up with him better. After all the pushing my coach began to tell me to give it back to him if the ref wasn't going to call anything. So I did. I pushed, I knocked, I played as dirty as he had set the bar, but no further. Finally, we were jarring at each other. Mouthing off, calling each other names, getting in each others heads. It was truly a duel. I wasn't letting him score, not even taking a shot. Nearing the end, I had the ball and the field in front was open on their half. I ran with it, looking for a pass. Sure enough, he was on me, kicking my ankles but no calls and eventually he wrestled the ball after I couldn't take another shot to the shin or ankle. I ran after him and in return for a knock a few minutes earlier that sent me literally flying, I took aim off a tackle on the ball and slammed into him like hockey player slamming another into the wall. He flew. Like a graceful sack of shit he was. He yelled, pleaded the ref. The ref extended both arms. "Play on."

Game, set, match. Me. We won the game. And just like every other player you hated after a game in high school, we ignored each other in the post-match shake. I was proud of myself. For what, though? Well, for starters, serving an asshole his own medicine. That game on I was a different player. I had confidence, strength and much thicker skin.

Was it a successful year? Sure. We won. We won a lot, but we failed to even move past Districts. I remember my final game. I remember the final whistle vividly. Walking back to the bench--no, dragging myself to the bench--I sat by my bag. Looked at everything around me and thought, "it's finally over". I had become burnt out on the game. I had no plans of playing into college. No plans. When I went to college that next year on academics only, I happened to meet the men's team coach and he struck up conversation with me. He took a liking to me, I told him what I played, if I thought I was any good ("Oh, I'm alright, but nothing great at all." I undersell myself a lot) and he pleaded with me to come out to practice. "Just come out and see if you like it, no pressure. You might like the guys." Truth is, I regret not putting more effort into it in high school, really learning to play midfield in addition to defense as I wanted, getting a scholarship somewhere bigger and better where I'd have to earn it all over again and maybe, just maybe, making a career out of it. As Andy Gray always says after a missed shot, "You won't win the raffle if you don't buy a ticket."

So, did I ever go?

"Nope." Maybe I didn't want to get dirty. Maybe I just made the wrong choice. Either way, though, I'm in as good of a position that I could have ever hoped. Wrong choices don't lead to wrong outcomes, they only lead to a regret. After all, it's impossible to avoid those. And maybe I don't really regret it since one should have no regrets. Maybe I just miss soccer on a real team outside of playing the occasional game. I'll always have soccer. That's my one true passion.

No Children

2011-09-11T12:52:00.005-05:00

photo Aaron Fidler

And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way

2011-09-09T22:12:00.000-05:00

It's somewhere between realizing the time before you and the time behind you,

Is fully, and completely seperate.

It's also the time you should stop, look around, and realize this is the life now, this is the life now.

And it's oh-so-beautiful.

Onward, ho!

Thoughts from the field

2011-08-22T10:30:00.001-05:00

I've been gone for 5 weeks to the Great Northeast.

Starting with a week in New London, New Hampshire (lot's of New's there, eh?) at the Gordon Research Conference on Collagen and then the last four weeks here on Mt. Desert Island.

The Gordon Conference was, what's the phrase, eye-opening. I learned more about the overall field of study that is collagen than I have in the last two years of studying collagen IV. To be more specific, I learned that there are very few who spend their time and dollars on studying the collagen IV molecule. Why is that I thought? When you see that most study collagen I, II, III, X, etc. you see the overall interest in the bone, tendon and cartilage part of collagen. Does that make sense though? Sure it does. Everybody tears ligaments, tendons, breaks bones and develops late-onset conditions with old age.

But wait.

What about dia-effing-betes? Everyone knows someone who has it, and it's a global problem. Nevermind my own interests stemming from the evolutionary importance of tissue and collagen IV being the absolute requirement for our tissues. All in all, I know I'm in a good field because I can see it's importance but not many others can.

Maine this year has been something of an enigma. It's different than last year, I feel less like a visitor or a tourist this year than last and maybe that has a lot to do with it. I hit the ground running from day one with what I knew I wanted to do and have a had a more succinct time here so far. There were also other reasons for it being different than last year, but I don't have the anxiety of leaving like I did last year.

In fact, I'm actually quite looking forward to going home. This summer has been the most productive, career-progressing two months in my two years removed from college. I go back to Nashville with a real sense of purpose. I see a path ahead of me and it's paved in science, maybe medicine and certainly education.

A whole lot of education. I start grad school in about two weeks and this Fall will see me taking an increased role in our Aspirnaut outreach programs. We're expanding in Maine, big-time, and I will see myself balancing grad school, full-time research, heading up more aspects of Aspirnaut and bringing several projects to a head.

Home means a lot of things. New car, familiar things, access to more things, closer to certain people and being that much closer to fall.

Yes, I'm already excited about cider and leaves falling and cooler weather in Nashville.

Here we go.

Here I am again

2011-08-09T16:18:00.000-05:00

It's crazy to think where a year goes. Even crazier to think what happens in that year.

How much has really happened though? If you put it all out on the table, take a good hard look, what's really so different. People? A few, sure. Places? Not so much. Things? Almost certainly yes. What about the real stuff--how you feel, what you think, what you care about--who you care about. Those things are always more telling in the grand scheme of change.

Sometimes those things don't change--and that's alright. But sometimes, those things change quite a bit. It's in these categories that we really get a good feel of who we are at this very moment in time.

So, what has really happened in the last year I ask myself? It would seem a lot. How do we measure change like this--is their anything to gain from this metric? What do you do knowing how you're mind changes--do you run with it or do you cower from it? If we're telling the truth, I think there's very little to gain from understanding how much we change. Where do we apply this new knowledge? I don't think you can rightly start planning how your feelings and what you care about are going to change. How can that work?

So what do I see now? I come back to Maine and I see myself differently--in a much different way than I can when I'm home. Here, it's like stepping back in time one full year and asking yourself, 'do I see things the same now as I did last time I looked here?'. Unequivocally, I say no, I do not see things quite the same way. I see them more fully, with more knowledge and experience and with more understanding of how I fit into "it all". And that knowledge is generally more that I don't know enough and I know very little.

Maybe that is all we're meant to glean from such experiences--the knowledge that you don't quite know shit.

I'll take it.

Tune Dump | it's the unofficial start of summer tuneage

2011-05-31T22:05:00.011-05:00

Tulipa Efemera
instantly i'm taken to a beach side hike.

Cage The Elephant Shake Me Down
these guys are from Kentucky. need more reasons?

Grouplove Colours
go ahead. roll your windows down.

Young The Giant My Body
everyone needs a little anthemic summer in their summer.

Richard Swift Lady Luck
how the f*** is this not from 1974?

Tallest Man On Earth Little River
no season is complete without the genius that he is.

Phish Backwards Down The Number Line
summer is birthdays. summer is phish. summer can not be beat.

Dirty Gold California Sunrise
no song has held such a hold over me in years. this has been a eight-month obsession.

Can't go wrong with this for bike riding music.

Notes, Thoughts, Strategetizing.

2011-05-10T14:14:00.000-05:00

I've been "strategetizing" a lot lately.

What's new--right? Wrong. Unlike thinking, this is wholly different than your thoughts on life, general feelings and future directions.

In this scenario, you're thinking about yourself, your family, your friends, those you care about the most, and you're going one step further in the whole process. Here, you do not just layout options, manage contigencies and decide on an execution, but rather you also figure out the immediate options that will be come available upon your decision, those potential contingencies and those possible decisions and weight the not one plan, but the multitude of plans you'll be impressed upon.

I've realized something about myself; I'm a shopkeeper.

An inventory specialist, if you will.

Like any decent shopkeeper, I keep inventory on everything every now and then. Every month, or two, I step back and take stock of my life. My accomplishments, my actions, my regrets and my consequences. Often times the items in stock are positive, often times they are things I'd like to just throw out. But just like a good shopkeeper, I know, that even the damaged items, the factory "seconds", the nearly expired products have some value and to throw them out just because they are not optimum or most laudable, would be unwise.

Going back to square one is never, I repeat never a good choice.

Who, on what plane of existence, thought that would ever be a good choice?

Not this guy, that's for sure. If you drop the past because of something unhappy or negative, you're only bound to lose the many more parts that were positive.

I'm happy. I'm content. I'm unbelievably excited for whatever these future lines of products will be for me to inventory.

I've decided to live this life for some time to come.

2011-04-21T00:26:00.002-05:00

You may ask yourself, how did I get here?

2011-04-18T22:57:00.006-05:00

Yeah, ok, so I'm neglecting this blog pretty bad.

Where am I currently? Somewhere between joy and glee (and not that abhorrent show). Work is going well, and, well, dad is all-clear of his cancer. Check-up last month came back completely negative--even the suspect spots on his lung has disappeared.

Can I getta AMEN!

So there's that.

Kentucky lost in the Final Four--how can you even begin to complain? This was a team I had given up on going far by February and they turned it around. Just shows what you can do if you put your heart to something. Take notes, people.

I'm going back to Maine this summer; it's official. Billy wants me to accompany him for another six-weeks and I could not be happier! I'm also been given the honor of going to the Gordon Conference on Collagen in New Hampshire the week before. I mean...wow.

WOW.

I don't ever want to leave this lab; it's not only the best gig of my life, I love the people. It's like a little family--something I really, really appreciate having in Nashville.

Mixtapes are my favorite thing in the world to create; I made one tonight for a good friend and holy cow did it make my day (and it was a good day to begin with). Sometimes we just have to stop, sit back and just do the things that make us happy. Stop trying to make new things your 'thing' and just do what you want, when you want, how you want.

Like what you do, do what you like.

There's your zen for the week.

Currently rocking: tUnE-yArDs - Bizness | Yes, that is how you spell it, no it is not pre-teen pop, yes it is all perfection. Enjoy. No need to thank me.

It's what I'm here for.

Peace, bitches.
tUnE-yArDs Bizness

The Solar Garlic Starts to Rot

2011-02-04T15:43:00.000-06:00

It's been a hectic, flamdiperous of a week.

Hell, of a month.

Research is going stupendously, and as the wise might say, 'it's easier to push a rolling stone'. That's true. I can attest.

Direction and magnitude in my work is at hand...therefore I have a vector. That's something that is highly underrated and highly invaluable. It seems nearly daily anymore that I find myself being thankful for the lab that I'm in; from the people (oh, the people) to the science to the opportunity, I couldn't wish for a better setup.

And people notice, too. I've had the conversation several times with several people lately about how lucky we are in this lab, with this PI, with these labmates. I know I'm spoiled--I've gotten my chops in science in the most conducive and enabling lab on earth, and perhaps that's the best part about it.

It's Friday, and no matter how much I love research, I love my weekends and sleep more. Oh, and Flying Wild Alaska is on tonight. Oh, shit, if there was ever anything that drew me into flying so much, it was this show.

I've started playing Flight Simulator X again...had been a while.

Save me now, because I'm planning a trans-continental flight this weekend with a few stops across the continent. That's right...I'm going to fly an 18 hour flight this weekend.

For the hell of it.

Oye vey.

It's the good life, from now on

2011-01-23T23:29:00.001-06:00

Oh boy.

Things are, well, good.

Great, even. Not surprisingly that's heavily influenced by how great work is going. Productivity has been at an all time high. Motivation equally as elevated, and overall satisfaction has been growing even moreso.

Except one thing--well two--sucks. When I went snowboarding I busted my knee on a 40+ mph spill and it still sort of hurts, so I've been taking it easy. It's been feeling much better, so I told myself I'd be able to hop on the Felt and ride some good miles this weekend.

Well, what do you know? Friday, while walking to work, everything had frozen over quite exquisitely after the previous days snow and slush, so not paying close attention had a great fall and ended up landing on my other knee and bruising the area just south of the meniscus--and fuck does it hurt.

So, out of precaution and overall smartness I begrudgingly put-off riding--and running for another week. I just can't stand the thought of injuring my knees. That's far worse than another week or two of downtime.

Oh well. At least Kentucky pulled off a great revenge win over South Carolina in Columbia from the loss to them last season. Terrence Jones is a beast. BEAST.

I keep saying I'm going to get back to vinting--I haven't made any wine in some time. That's something that I MUST make happen next weekend. That, and run, and bike, and stop making risotto. Yeah, I learned how (way easier than people trounce about saying it is) and have made it 3 times since last weekend during mom's visit.

What kind of garden do I want to have one day? A moss garden. Ever seen those? Holy cow, they are simply fascinating. I could get lost in them happily.

I baked today...yeah, that's right. I baked cookies.

Oh boy.

Merry Xmas. I'm dreaming of California, while Santa's visiting

2010-12-25T00:43:00.000-06:00

California sunrise
Take the sleep from under our California eyes
Sitting by the ocean side
Waiting for the tide to take us home
To take us all home

She waits for the summer
To find a lover
She looks for him underneath the sand
But the air is getting colder
And the summer is getting older
You need to make up your mind

I've been sleeping for far too long
Been hibernating from your love
I need some summer sun to come and wake me up
Let it sink your help to swim
California sunrise, come and wake me up

Trying to decide are you really worth my time
I've been playing this game so long
But the code is coming through, there's nothing left to do
Oh my God, I proved myself to you

I've been sleeping far too long
Hibernating from your love
I need some summer sun to come and wake me up
Let it sink your help to swim
Where our love ends my end begins
Calfornia sunrise, come and wake me up

2010-12-14T21:53:00.002-06:00

To think, I never actually thought that I would be one of those guys.

One of those guys who are decked out in their lightest, warmest cycling gear on a 20 degree night in December, ice all over the roads, air dry as a bone, and a Tuesday night.

And, yet, here we are. Halfway through my ride tonight I realized this and had to just laugh out how dorky I must look. If you can't laugh at yourself, right?

Yep, I'm knee-deep in it and I guess I'll take it. There could be so many worse things I could be doing on a December night.

Like skinny dipping in Percy Priest Reservoir...

2010-12-12T02:07:00.001-06:00

On my desk at home I have two pictures.

They're not of a person, a place or some brunette beauty.

They're of two of my best friends growing up. Two friends who were there everyday, through everything, wagging their tails, following me into the woods, digging with me in the dirt and playing with me in the rain.

While my mom got mad at me for coming back to the house filthy and smelling, these two were always at my back, snickering, wagging their tales and waiting for me to go back out with them.

I think I'd be a different person if it weren't for the people who've shaped me through life.

It's no surprise that I'd be a different person without my black Laborador tom-boy, Shadow, and my goofball, always smiling white Laborador brother, Baron.

I miss them dearly.

Have it all

2010-12-07T22:09:00.003-06:00

Somewhere with our minds

like the orange and its rind

you've found

a way

for

me to find

the faint burrowing trend

that time wasn't our friend

and that

maybe, afterall,

I might just

have

all.

And in the forest someone is whispering to a tree now, this is all I am so please don't follow me

2010-12-05T00:34:00.007-06:00

I just can't stop listening to Tallest Man On Earth.

Can.
Not.
Stop.

Il y a tout ce que vous voulez, aux Champs-Élysées

2010-11-14T23:00:00.017-06:00

Still my favorite photo from Paris

It's a night like tonight that I am, for some odd reason, reminded of Paris and all it's mid-winter glory. OK, so it's really not a stretch as to find the reason for my recent reminiscence on Paris--a friend recently requested for the photos from that trip and with no intention of looking through all those thousands of photos, I definitely did just that.It was the first time I'd gone through those photos since the trip almost two years ago now (wow) and with that came a fresh sense of viewing. A pleasant ignorance of the photos that was, well, pleasantly rewarded.

Things are good, things are great. However, I'm not used to the cold weather yet--scratch that, my lungs are used to the cold weather yet--and my runs lately have ended a bit short with my throat nearly burning and my lungs screaming at me to stop being such an asshole to them.

It's a Modest-Mouse-sort-of-week I sense.

On to the science. Another week of Darwinian weaseling of protein chemistry.

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.

If the world's at large, why should I remain?

Walked away to another plan.

Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.

I move on to another day,

to a whole new town with a whole new way.

Went to the porch to have a thought.

Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.

You don't know where and you don't know when.

But you still got your words and you got your friends.

Walk along to another day.

Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.

We'll float on maybe would you understand?

Gonna float on maybe would you understand?

Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.

I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.

It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.

The days get longer and the nights smell green.

I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.

They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.

Walked on off to another spot.

I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.

Did I want love? Did I need to know?

Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.

Adding their breeze to the summer nights.

Outside, water like air was great.

I didn't know what I had that day.

Walk a little farther to another plan.

You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.

But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

My thoughts were so loud.

2010-11-05T11:54:00.003-05:00

It's winter out there!

Freezing, frigid, beard-frosting cold!

Ok, maybe not, but it is pretty darn cool.

I'm OK with that.

After all, winter lasts a quarter of the year.

2010-11-02T07:09:00.001-05:00

What was I supposed to do in November, again?

Hmmm.

I don't know, but I feel like November was bringing something...or maybe I was supposed to do that one thing...or maybe I just am meant to enjoy what the month will bring?

Nope. There was something happening in November. Something I've been waiting on for a few months now. I guess we'll just see if I can recall anytime sooon.

The best part about November is also becoming the worst part. It's getting colder. Now, now, I love my cold weather, and I embrace it as much as I do my sunny humid days, but it also means I need to switch out my gear for cycling. This weekend should be one of the last--if not the--last mild weekend before the real chills of the old man winter start to creep up. I think a low of 28 and high of 58 sounds quite pleasant--however a ride starting off early in the morning when it's 34 and ending when it's 58 is just plain annoying. So I'll be riding with a pack this weekend.

This weekend. Oh how I crave it's arrival. I haven't had a 'free' weekend in several weeks and therefore haven't been able to ride all morning, explore all afternoon and enjoy the weekend nights. To say I'm ready for it, well, that's an inestimable summation.

Tomorrow is the first game of my Vandy basketball season tickets, and I am stoked. Though it's not the cats, it's still one of the best SEC teams and should be awesome to be in Memorial Gym all winter.

The science.

Yeah. About that. If there was a tangible face, adorned with the most inaffable, annoying smirk, I would gladly take my transgressions out on it most fastidiously.

A good 'ol sock to the mouth.

It's really just one of those cycles where you hit brickwalls, speedbumps, traffic stops, crazy drivers, grannies and wide-load trailers in science. However, when it all happens within a week window you develop a bit of crazy.

Push on through though.

Pfeww. Alright. Here we go.

To the weekend and basketball season starting (Go Cats, Go 'Dores).

next steps are a doozy

2010-10-11T22:44:00.008-05:00

I've got another week in this apartment.

Even though I am moving to a place I would consider an upgrade in most ways (except for the kitchen--I'm taking one for the team here), I still feel a lot of connection to this place.

After all, it was my first apartment all to myself. No one else's. I think I've never grown so much as I have in the last 16 months and I did all that here. In my little piece of rented land. From relationships to cycling, from music to the chopping block, I've done a lot, learned a lot and gleaned an awful lot more from myself than I expected.

I was supposed to only be in Nashville for six months. Here I am at D-Day + 10 months. To think, that number will only double as I have agreed to stay in this lab for another year.

For the longest time I questioned whether taking the other path out of college (not med school, etc) was a mistake and that maybe I should have just gone on and gotten my life on track. I wonder if perhaps I would have done the template, graduated Berea, taken a few weeks off then entered into summer at a medical school where I would be sufficiently happy (and likely miserable all at the same time).

Then I realize what this little apartment has seen me go through by me taking this other path. I learned how to be a teacher and a mentor--something I think is the duty of all of us to become, I learned science in a way I never understood, I found love--though finite those nine months were some of my best, I finally took time to focus on passions I had--playing music, getting into cycling, and the most recent and most heart-beat skipping, I spent the second half of my summer in Maine and found something there that I still can't shake out of my mind (but that's almost certainly because that's the last thing I want to do).

Despite the fact that everything moves at break neck speed, feeling like the days fall like dominoes and trying to keep up is tiresome, there are some things that stay put and wait for you at all times.

I'll miss this apartment, this home. But I'm going to wood floors. Sorry apartment, I hope we can still be friends.

To new nests, apple cider, and that feeling when your heart skips a beat because of your dropping in to say "hi" through my phone.

2010-10-03T20:56:00.004-05:00

Oh shit!

Hello, fall.

I didn't know you were joining us so soon.

No, no, it's my pleasure that you're here already.

I've had a bed made for you for weeks, and dinner is on the stove.

Make yourself at home.

much easier to know the answers if you know where to look

2010-09-20T23:30:00.014-05:00

Take the guitar player for a ride
Cause He ain't never been satisfied
He thinks he owes some kind of debt
Be years before he gets over it

So pleased I am with this weekend.

Good friends, in a good town, with good things, and good times. Are you getting the picture yet? I fully understood my love of all things americana-folk at some point over the weekend. Maybe it's that I can now successfully write folk songs...that I'm actually happy with.

I'm planning on entering some Tour's next spring/summer, definitely a few good one's here in Nashville. One will be a century ride--maybe I can win it! Ha! I just zinged myself.

If you haven't, just indulge yourself in Tallest Man On Earth (apolgies for the Myspace linkage, it's all he has). It's beautiful, raw, guy-and-a-guitar folk.

Went and saw an apartment today...fell in love as soon as I stepped inside. Original wood floors, circa 1930, 50% larger than what I'm in now, lots of windows, dining room, huge living room, cozy bedroom, yet mediocre kitchen (oh well). I'm 99% certain I'm going tomorrow to snap it up.

Woot!

To seeing that smile, hearing that folk and perusing Zen and The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance.

don't dream it's over

2010-09-13T15:31:00.006-05:00

As I got back in the car that night out front of the restaurant, I had an overwhelming feeling at that very moment.

I realized I was never going to see that girl again.

It hit me like a moment of clarity. A wind-sucking blast to the chest that I could only figure was a gut-feeling. Afterall, it was all a fluke, chance meeting anyways. There was no reason, no recourse and certainly no insurance for such an arrangement. No, no, this was certainly the last time.

Without much pause I decided to push through and went to turn on the car, when I then turned on the radio for the first time, because, well, times like these call for music.

At which point, I heard this song. And my eyes began to well.

In that very moment, the song which had literally just started and whose first guitar strum I immediately recognized, I realized something very comforting. So incredulously uplifting and encouraging.

Maybe I would see her again.

Maybe, just maybe, it was all just beginning instead.

2010-09-03T08:28:00.003-05:00

What?

I'm back from Maine?

...

I did not get that memo.

Apparently, yes, it would appear, that the six-week trek/expedition/vacation/foray to the northern reaches of Maine has come, developed and ultimately passed by.

Let's get one thing clear, if I haven't made it abundantly clear elsewhere: I absolutely loved my time in Maine. The trip was all about the science and acquiring samples for my research. That was successful and revelatory in its self. My PI (principal investigator) explained where he saw all this work going and I have to say...

WOW.

I have a lot of work ahead of me as we hope to publish two papers, one in a relatively prestigious journal such as Journal of Biochem, Biochemistry or maybe Evolution, etc., but the real crux of the research is being saved for the highest-impact, highest-prestige journal in the world: Nature.

I mean, it's hard to even fathom this. Especially when I will be first-author on such a paper. Of all the opportunities made, experiences earned and general life lessons I would get from this incredible job...this was by far the last thing I expected to get.

Actually.

The last thing I expected to get was finding something so special while I was in Maine that I find myself waking up with smile on my face, having an extra skip in my step through the day.

She's special.

The kind of special you write home to mom about.

The kind of special you don't rush and you let be its self.

The kind of special that I am not going to let pass me by.

Unlike those six weeks in Maine, this is something not so temporary but just as exciting and eye opening.

I went to Maine in a state of mind that said the world was my oyster, and somehow I left with an attitude of I could really do and have anything.

It's not a coincidence.

Maybe it was all by chance, but that's not how serendipity works.

Here's to us.

Theories, Hypotheses and Beliefs

2010-08-05T21:05:00.003-05:00

It's a great thing, this feeling I'm swimming in.

Somewhere between the foggy days with a quarter mile visibility over the harbor and the crystal clear waters of the inland lakes, to the wonders of those brown eyes, I'm starting to think there might actually be some sort of structure.

That is right. Structure in the chaos. What sort of structure? The sort that one finds incredulously frustrating while providing the most comforting guidance of your days.

It's the sort of feeling one can get lost in. It's the sort of feeling that you should get lost in.

On that note, I'm not sure there's much more to it.

I do know that I've been enjoying the smiles, making smiles and knowing that out of nowhere something so wonderful and so special can pop out of seemingly nowhere.

That something that comes from the unexpected, dissolving the expectations, while instantly gratifying your sense of what to expect.

It's truly the next step of figuring it all out.

2010-07-26T22:58:00.004-05:00

So.

It would appear, to the untrained and the trained, occular observers that I would be smack-dab in the middle of Acadia National park.

It would also appear that I've learned a lot about myself. Mainely (get it? Maine-ly...anyways), I require mountains, hiking trails, bays, harbors and sailboats to provide myself unequivocal sanity on the largest proportions.

I've been here 12 days...which is preposterous in itself!...and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of each day and every step of each trail. I've hiked most of the eastern shores of Mount Desert from Dorr Point to Sand Beach and all the summits in between. So far, Dorr Mountain, Beehive and Champlain have been my favorites. I believe that I will need to return to Cadillac Mountain by bike this time and go to the true summit, and not the tourist summit that misleads even the one's who care about summits and hiking.

So I've got just under a month--a day short--to take in the rest of Acadia and all of her sights. My brother and sister-in-law arrive the 17th and their visit will coincide with the Bar Harbor Jazz Fest...hell yeah!

I need to really buckle down and get some serious mileage on my bike up here, and a trip around the island sounds quite enticing. At least a ride to Northeast Harbor should be in order.

Tonight was a particularly good night; it's always a good night when you get a gorgeous girl's number. Wow.

To Acadia and Maine

I won't look back anymore, I left the people that do

2010-06-24T21:52:00.003-05:00

What can I say?

The summer program has merely 2 weeks left and I really can't believe it.

The past few days have been nothing but stellar. Tonight Wall, Cousins, Patterson, Bledsoe and Orton all went in the first round of the draft. WOW. Just, WOW. First time in history--go big BLUE!

Yesterday the US defeated Algeria in a stoppage time goal to win the group play--beating out England. I think we have a legitimate shot at our first title. Here's to that.

Monday made it over to Exit/In to see Megafaun. I almost missed the entire show but luckily I can read and had picked up a Nashville Scene last Thursday. Sunday night, flipped through it and BOOM Megafaun. It was a great show. Opening band was slick--local group Colorfeels, and there was a two-chick opening act, Midtown Dickens, who blew the place up (all 3o of us) and even played some tunes with Megafaun. Got to meet them after they went off and exchanged emails. I encourage everyone to check them out.

Things are going well. The family is being very positive about this round, and Dad is being a fucking trooper even though he just beat cancer only to face it again immediately. I think, if nothing else, the past year and 5 months have done nothing but bring our family so close, and I find myself fortunate to have such an incredible family--they are without a doubt the best family I could ever want. I feel sorry for you.

Maine in three weeks. I'm pumped. Getting my mind ready for the expedition, and my body as well. I'm a very fortunate person, and I do not take my position, my luck or my ability to find myself in these positions lightly.

I guess I'm doing something right, even though some things really make me think I'm not.

Just gotta push on, just gotta keep living. And the living's good anymore.

I need to go ask that chick at Harris Teeter out...

Here's to that.

No Atlantis is too underwater or fictional.

2010-06-13T18:52:00.001-05:00

Ok, so apparently it's June.

Yeah.

So we're two weeks into this summer program and I'm still as happy as I could be. I think this group of kids is, in some ways, better than last years. I think most of that is because I'm more prepared and equipped to be the mentor/friend/teacher to these kids.

I can't believe, though, that there are only 4 weeks in this program left. Before I know it, it's going to be over and before I know it again I'll be in Maine for a month and a half.

World Cup has been fun. Pleased with the draw against England yesterday--would have preferred the win and three points, but I'll take a tie with the Brits. Someone described it best today, "it'd be like the London handegg nancies tying up the game after 4 quarters against the 2003 New England Patriots." So yeah, I'll take that.

Game 5 of the Finals tonight. Go Celts! This team has most definitely become an extension of my pride for UK. Having Rondo as a the big guy right now does not hurt.

Been doing a lot of running, biking and lifting lately. I've decided I'm tired of not being in the shape I used to be--I want to look as good as I feel. Shallow? Not when it comes to prepping for one's long-term health.

I'm excited for the Half-Life related announcement tomorrow, Fallout New Vegas in the fall, Hal0:Reach and just next week iPhone OS 4.0. It's always nice to refresh something you do/use daily.

Jeff Van Gundy scares me. I think he was a super villain in a past life.

To listening to Noah & the Whale - Five Years Time on repeat countless times. I just can't shake you out of my head, and somethings starting to really tell me that maybe there's a reason for that. Just give me a sign.

2010-06-12T23:47:00.006-05:00

Well, then I look at you and say
It's the happiest that I've ever been
And I'll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she'd say
Yeah well I feel pretty happy too
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you

And though, if nearly all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking about them as I'm lying in bed
And I know that none of it may really ever come true
But in my mind I'm havin' a pretty good time with you

Oh in five years time
I might not know you
In five years time
We might not speak
Oh in five years time
We might not get along
In five years time
You might just prove me wrong

Wherever you go there'll be love

I put a bullet in my Kia Lorenzo, a kitchen knife fucked in my face

2010-06-06T18:08:00.003-05:00

I really feel great.

Like something of a re-charge of the ol' batteries. I think going home for a very long Memorial weekend-- Thursday to Monday--did a whole lot of good. I hadn't been home since christmas--so that's right, it had been 5 months since I'd been home. Definitely the longest I've ever gone from visiting home. It was just flat great too.

I miss my, pardon this use of an adjective, "old" friends so much. Boyd, Lena, and Seth are some of the greatest people I will ever know and it's such a pleasure to spend time with them. Bonfired it up Saturday and Sunday night, went on ridiculous drives to Ironton blasting ABBA and trying to contain a meth-fueled Seth--that's right, it was that bad.

Driving back to Nashville on Monday was therapeutic as it was cleansing. Getting home was about as rejuvenating as one can handle and the drive gave me plenty of time to collect my thoughts, my feelings and some misplaced aggressions I've been harboring. Though, not misplaced now, they are certainly still quite aggressive.

A new batch of summer high school students have arrived in my lab, and for the second summer in a row I'm playing the responsible teacher/mentor/friend to 12 very diverse and very interesting high schoolers and six undergrads from Vandy and TSU. Last summer I came into this experience with a lot of doubts; I had a great sense of longing for a place to land, and my mind was erratic. A year later, I've at least found a great place to land. Whereas I was scared shitless last summer being a mentor for high schoolers, I was excited this go-around and I'm so happy with this group. I really think I've clicked with all of them, and I could NOT be any happier to be any where on this planet.

Still holding out on that Felt Z100. Soon, though, soon.

New Band of Horses is just fan-fucking-tastic. You're a plain-ol' loser if you haven't made love to this album.

Ok, iPhone OS 4.0 can come any day now. I'm ready.

To the one I wronged, I'm sorry. To the one who wronged me, that was most certainly the last time. To the cute cashier chick at my grocery store, thank you for flirting with me last time I was in. You easily made my week that much better.

That's a pretty good "To" list, me thinks.

2010-05-31T19:41:00.006-05:00

You.

Yes, you.

You know exactly who you are.

No, not you, obviously not you, you're fine

But you.

Yeah. You.

Go fuck yourself, and take your fickle destiny with you.

L O S T

2010-05-19T11:58:00.007-05:00

If there is one story that I had to say was the most riveting story I'd ever heard across all of mythology, drama, and literature I think that I would be incapable of pointing to anything other than Lost.

It's almost unfortunate that Lost is a television show if only for the fact of what television does to the strength of something as a work of art or as a creative masterpiece. Lost is those things though and in no way do I think that just because it is a television show should that diminish that fact. I think Lost as anything less than a 6-year series would be nothing short of a shame. Lost is about the ride. The ride is why we watch, is why we feel so strongly.
I remember the first time I ever watched Lost; my mom and myself has seem promos for this new show that alluded to survivors of a plane crash on an island and that maybe there was something more to it than just a story of survival. The first episode opened with the iconic shot of Jack's eye and spent the next few minutes coming to grasp that he was in a bamboo thicket and ultimately walking out onto the serene beach only to realize the plane crash was right there. The chaos and the moment was perfectly played out as Jack the doctor walked completely beside himself through the wreckage and the screaming survivors. The few moments later saw the birth of Jack the leader as he began to run and help those in need, barking out orders and calling for people to do their part.

It was captivating. From the first 10 minutes of Lost I was hooked and there was no looking back.
Within the ending of the pilot it was clear that there was something very strange about this island. It wasn't deserted, there was definitely something there. The ideas were rampant and within the first episode it was already drawing a cult-like following. Dinosaurs, monsters, supernatural beings everything was fair game at this point. Why were there polar bears?

The mystery was dissolved in the shows character driven story from day one and was only going to become deeper and deeper. Lost progressed to at one point be nothing short of only causing more questions, and it seemed from season 2 to season 5 we were never given a single answer or explanation for the mounting events that could not be explained.

To be completely honest, if you don't like Lost then it's just because it wasn't the show for you. My entire following of Lost was first based on the monumental characters--of whom all are incredibly complex and well-thought out, and secondly on the inconsolable mystery that the show evoked.

The last three seasons, including this one, have been stellar and have really taken the story from characters to the plot and back.

Sunday see's the end of Lost, and I can be sure of one thing, that all of the emotional investment in the characters and the story will be extremely hard to bear.

Despite my reservations to the slight cheesiness of the golden light well (which was the only thing I did not like from the second to most recent episode), I did think the ending with the flashback to Jack, Kate and Locke with the bodies and the marble bag was nothing short of fantastic--how truly full circle this show will end Sunday will be nothing short of spectacular.

I can not help but think this show is going to end absolutely splendidly. If only because I've abandoned trying to understand what is happening since probably half way through season 1 and to just enjoying the ride.

I think the concert in the last episode is going to be a deeply emotional apex of the series, and I think whether all the answers are given or not is beside the point. I think it will always have been about the ride up to this point, and no matter how LOST ends it will always be about ride and not the destination.

Here's to Jack and Kate.

hold tight the bondage of this life is slipping

2010-05-15T21:13:00.005-05:00

It's flippantly official.

I love Nashville.

I thought I could make it through this gig--this gift of an opportunity--without falling desperately and madly in love with this fucking city.

There I went.

There I went and fell in love and somewhere along the line I didn't even realize it. Maybe it's the stark contrast of cultures and lifestyles here--yet everyone has a common connection. It's the very feeling one gets when in Lexington with basketball. It's just something that permeates the city binding us all. I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's the food here. Oh man, the food. It's so good here. Nashville is one of the foodiest cities I've ever been too. From McDougals chicken and San Antonio Taco Co. to Margot's and Tayst and essentially every where in between. It's incredible, it's delectable, it's unforgivable. It's that good.

Maybe it's Hillsboro Village where I live. It's like a super miniature main drag of downtown without the (lovable) tackiness and country music. Fido's is one of the most special cafes--hardly a definition available for what it is. Provence is a little sliver of Paris right down the street from me (and Oh, how I miss Paris). The shops are all interesting, especially Davis Cookware.

This is a one-in-a-million shop. It looks like it's been there since 1890 and they haven't bothered to clean-up a single day since then--and thank god. Maneuvering through the store is a task; one must be paying attention. Which is apt since if you dare enter this store to dilly-dally or to come without an education on what you're looking for then don't come crying when the shop owners hardly show their impatience and contempt for your ignorance.

I learned quite early on. Last time there I had a singular mission for a 12-inch cast-iron skillet. I walked in, greeted the fine gentleman with a "Hello" and a smile and proceeding hastily to the items in question. As I looked he asked me from the counter what I was looking for. After asking if he had a heat-diffuser so as to not scratch my ceramic stove-top and to better heat the cast-iron as ceramic (I had heard) did not heat the cast-iron well, he annoyingly asked "Why do you need something like that?" After explaining my purpose he quipped, "Well let's think about the simple physics of this. Your stove is hot, this is metal, it will get hot. I was annoyed, and thought the guy thought nothing of me. I proceeded to the register but before a woman came in and asked about something--she had NO idea what she wanted or was looking for and wasn't about to figure it out anytime soon, and another man in front of me checking out was deciding things he didn't want because he didn't check the price and didn't want them anymore.

He said to me at the register after ever so genuinely and defeated, "Thank you for knowing what you wanted and being a good customer."

Now that's a store with character--customer isn't right, customer should be educated in what they want. I tend to agree.

Maybe it's the availability of everything you need within almost reaching distance. The corner store where I go for most of my groceries, I've come to know most of the workers there and greetings aren't generic "hellos" but instead, "oh, hey!"

You can't put a price on that.

I've always thought my future lied somewhere else but it starts to wear on you; that feeling of longing for something but no something in sight. I used to think I knew what I had to work towards--but when you're the only one doing the working-towards you tend to stop wanting to work on it. THAT's where I'm at now. Deciding on what to work on now. A good friend of mine is trying to get me to go to Atlanta for PA school (maybe DO the more I really think about it) and that's something I wouldn't have considered even a month ago.

Georgia. Why not? It's in Decatur which is 20 minutes from Atlanta. Atlanta has a lot to offer, not least my cousin and her wonderful family. That's an enticing reason in itself. I want Kentucky, and Kentucky wants me, but what I want in Kentucky has to want me.

If there is anything that a year removed from college has taught me it is to never assume the future. This job has been better than I could have ever imagined; I love, love, love, my co-researchers, I'm getting a 6-week paid working vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine on the same island as Acadia National Park, and Nashville has given me so much.

I'm ready to start letting the wave take me wherever it's headed; if I end up on the shores I wanted then fine--that's perfect, but if it's other shores for me, then fine--that's perfect.

The next two weeks will be seeing a good amount of lusting over the Felt Z100 (see above) that I'm almost certainly getting.

Oh, good heavens.

2010-05-09T21:59:00.001-05:00

I've got it all, most
I've got it all almost all figured out
But always when I get there
Always when I get there all the pieces they just fall apart

It's the one that keeps happening over and over and over again

2010-05-05T21:48:00.004-05:00

Despite overwhelmingly disheartening turn of events, I've really found a comfortable way to be happy as of late.

I've done quite a bit the past few weeks. And it's been good to be busy. Nashville is under water, but in all reality the vast majority of the city is perfectly unaffected. Myself included. I hopped out of town to go home to Kentucky for Derby weekend and that was pertinently awesome.

Friday we camped out, roasted kielbasa, drank lime Jim & Cokes, enjoyed some swings and chatted aimlessly in the night. Jeff and I definitely stayed up well-past sunrise and finally decided to get some sleep just seconds before it started to positivelyy downpour. All of us were (I would say crammed, but that was not the case) in a single tent. A ri-god-damn-diculously big tent. I promise 15 people could have slept reasonably comfortably.

Then it continued to rain. And continued. Until I made it back to Nashville late Sunday night. Where I found the devastation of the flooding. Ugh. No it's isn't Katrina, but it's bad.

I feel like the only apologist for Kristen Stewart on the planet. Granted Twilight happened--which I did actually see and didn't think was terrible, not that it's my cup of tea--but, shit, every time I watch Adventureland I fall in love all over again with her. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I think she's genuinely modest and would be close to the coolest chick to hang out with in the world. Maybe I just want to secretly get a job at a Pittsburgh theme park and meet get stoned and fall in love with this chick.

All in all, I know things will work out--they always do. After all, this time last year I thought the floor was dropping out from under me, but I came to Nashville, fell in love, ended up with the greatest job, melted my heart in this incredible city and still managed to keep most of the most important things in my life, just there, in my life.

Of course, it only takes one thing to make you feel like it's all great or all terrible, but all the other good things are pretty damn good. Just keep on keepin' on, and stay positive.

Yep, I am the master of mixing mint juleps now. Maker's, fresh spearmint and pure joy.

Kentucky is just great. One day I'll be home, but today the world is my oyster.

To Nashville and finding your happiness.

Reflecting is always a good thing.

2010-05-03T17:50:00.001-05:00

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When you leave for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears
and when they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
this is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

Your love will be, safe with me

2010-04-27T21:38:00.004-05:00

This modern looking, contemporary art image is a map of my mouse cursor over the course of 3 hours. It's called IO Graphica and it's pretty awesome. I made this, and this being the only one, a few months back and basically just forgot about it. I set it to run, forgot about it, then three hours later it was like, 'hey, here's your cursor map...because you totally needed this.'

Yep. It's official. I have become an NBA fan. I've watched every Cav and Celtics game and most of Oklahoma City in the Playoffs so far, and so far Celtics have advanced (Go, Rondo! UK!) and looks like Cavs may finish off the Bulls. There are so many UK players that it's sort of like watching old UK games...sort of. Plus Joakim Noah is a Bull and it feels oh, so, good watching (UK fan) Lebron school that Florida filth. I used to really hate the Gators, but they suck anymore so...eh...

Apparently the whole Coach Cal conversation with Larry Brown is being speculated that it was either (a) an exhibition game with an NBA team--which is very unlikely as there are plenty of rules against that kind of thing, or (b) an exhibition game with former Cats (many NBA) and maybe even a few non-UK NBA stars, a la Lebron. I really, REALLY like this idea. I will gladly take that and would love to go to that more than Madness. Which speaking of, Madness is only five and a half months away.

Cavs advance. Hells yes.

I haven't played guitar as much as I have in the last 3 weeks in a very long time. Playing Blindsided (Bon Iver) was utter bliss. One of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, and it's still just as powerful three years later.

I've found that Say Anything and Smiths may be some of the best work-out bands. Not typical music for working out, but it totally does it. Say Anything makes way more sense--very high energy, but Smiths I just don't understand but I'll be damned if that doesn't do it for me.

Independent Study classes going well, things are good. I've had to relearn how to be single and it was tough at first. I've found my stride though, and it feels good to rely on no one but yourself for a time. I have realized more so than I ever had about a very big part of my life. I feel like I've never been so resolute about getting something, and I will have what I see at the end of this journey. Dug.

To Lebron and Sierra Nevada Summerfest--the best summer brew as always.

On ho, oh no.

2010-04-25T19:18:00.006-05:00

I absolutely love this photo; it's a six-month exposure of some bridge (I don't rightly remember--no, not the Brooklyn, or that one in Cincy that was a precursor to the Brooklyn Bridge--anyways).

The long, paint-like arcs above the bridge are of the sun's seasonal variations in height. It's always fascinating to see something clearly demonstrated with actual, natural, physical examples instead of the usual man-made graphics in texts of such phenomenon. Sort of like seeing video of the curvature of the Earth; as if it is some sort of proof of accepted ideas.

Yep, that's right. Proof of an accepted idea. That's so contrary to how should logically think of things. Yet, we still--even hen we 100% believe in something--must find some sort of affirmation for that belief. Why is that? How is that? Honestly, I find it hard to believe that we all need to be shown that yes, A is true even though you would sworn your own life by it.

But, it's how we think. It's how we are, and I know I'm the first to desire that the things I know be proven and confirmed--at least once. Oddly, though, the things I can't really know--or ever know--I don't find myself too interested in proving. Maybe it's a subconscious understanding that it's a waste of time. Or is it?

I don't know.

I've been listening to a fuck-load of Langhorne Slim. While I was first introduced to him by a relative (an extremely awesome relative, obviously) last summer when I traveled to the good ol' Cali-fone-ya, I have been steadily becoming more and more of a fan over the last nine months or so. In an almost rebirth of this interest in his music, the last two weeks have been almost nothing but Slim's music. That's the obsessive personality characteristic coming to fruition; I can't let something I enjoy remain in moderation, on ho, oh no. The pleasure of meeting him en concert a few weeks back was of utmost pleasure. Incredibly humble and eager to meet his fans; granted there were probably only 10 of us in the entire building (and I knew one of them) who were there mainly for Slim, it was satisfying to meet such a troubadour with such a well-mannered demeanor.

The next few chapters are really hard to foresee at this point. I know the major plot points, and where the story is (and is likely) heading, but I really can't quite see the actual plot lines. For myself, it's strange to not at least be able to anticipate the general idea of how that following week or two will unfold and what obstacles/challenges/ideals/etc. I will face, but I feel strangely relieved by this.

I think it's too easy to get comfortable with the norm. Sometimes a good shakin' is all your outlook needs.

Shake away, I 'spose.

------

It rained a lot this weekend--and I mean a lot. A good rain always sort of resets the world. Like that feeling after taking a shower after not taking one for three days--yeah, I know, I really stretched for that metaphor.

I have found myself thinking lately how much I miss such simple pleasures. That goes back to the whole 'regret' thing I used to hark on all the time. It's so easy to remember the big events in your life--the important and altering events--but it's so impossible to forget all those little things that you used to live sublimely. The best (and worst part) is that you can never remember all of these events at any given time--unlike the big events. So you spend your days doing your routine and then

BAM!

You remember that one ride on the flat on the ATV, or that drive around Ashland late at night with a couple cafe mochas. Or that time at the soccer field with the only people in the world that mattered. That ungodly early morning wake to a friend who traveled far and early just to see you. Or that time when you slammed on your breaks, nearly going through a crowded intersection somewhere on US-23 in Ohio. Or that time at the flood walls on the banks of the Ohio, eating, of all things, mcdonalds. That one time at the irish pub with the incessantly rude (as yet indeterminable) europeans. That time, laying in bed reading an article out of the National Geographic the night before a doctors visit. All those cool summer nights in the fields, made so very warm by the crackling fire, but mostly by the joy of your company.

Of all the things I do to sustain my survival--eating, sleeping, exercising, working--it's the little box of these memories that does the most, and that will be true, always.

I made a decision the other day to play with my old band at least once more. It seems it may--if only 75%--happen. Of that 75%, I am just as satisfied. Now to make it happen--the wheels are turning, just gotta make 'em move.

The wheels are turning, now to make it happen.

Oh, guten tag Spring.

2010-04-23T15:01:00.003-05:00

Looks like it's officially spring, and has been for a while now.

Again, I keep finding myself wrestling with the old addage, 'time flies when you get older' and I'm starting to think it's got me pinned in a headlock and is not likely to show much mercy or pity. I think...yep...I'm fine with that.

Just means I have to take it all in a little more, and to bombard my brain with memories to make the illusion of longer periods of time.

As it stands, my job at Vanderbilt gets better and better; I feel like even in the last two months this position has gone from being rewarding and challenging to exciting and dream-like. First, the plan was to have me here maybe a year. Now, it's not only definitely going to be a year but instead a year and 9 months or so since it's very likely I will have this position until next January.

At which time I will be, hopefully (but don't cross your fingers--I've learned that actually does not work), will be starting my two-year term at UK as a physician assistant student. A PA is something I've honestly considered for a very long time--I found myself always attracted to the career and I think my time at Vanderbilt has been revelatory in many ways, but especially in helping me to realize what I want to do every day of my life. Honestly, I could do what I'm doing now for eternity, but I'm not as interested as I once was in getting my PhD, and well a research tech doesn't have the ceiling that other graduate study careers do. Odd, I know...

The best surprise from working in my lab comes this summer. My PI is sending me to Bar Harbor, Maine for 4-6 weeks in July. Bar Harbor is by far one of the most beautiful places on earth with Acadia national park on the very same island that I will be on. I'm very excited, and this is a huge opportunity for me. I can't wait to spend my days doing science with my good pals the Hagfish, and spend my evenings exploring the islands shores, trees, waters, the coastal towns all with my camera and my hiking boots.

At this point, I think I'm mostly done with trying to control what happens. As the past month has already showed me, if I just surrender to the air I will be happily whisked away to all sorts of places.

There is one thing that I'm definitely never going to give up on.

I look forward to that future--I could never be more sure of this one thing. I could never be more in love with something. Dug.

To opportunities, summers in Maine and those dreams of you.

2010-02-21T23:22:00.002-06:00

After a weekend that was quite full of Fallout 3 playage (finally a level 20 after 60 hours) I fell in love with the soundtrack all over again. One of the most fun songs on Galaxy News Radio.

Each morning, a missionary advertises neon sign
He tells the native population that civilization is fine
And three educated savages holler from a bamboo tree
That civilization is a thing for me to see So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords, I make it clear
That no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

I looked through a magazine the missionary's wife concealed (Magazine? What happens?)
I see how people who are civilized bung you with automobile (You know you can get hurt that way Daniel?)
At the movies they have got to pay many coconuts to see (What do they see, Darling?)
Uncivilized pictures that the newsreel takes of me So bongo, bongo, bongo, he don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, he's so happy in the jungle, he refuse to go
Don't want no penthouse, bathtub, streetcars, taxis, noise in my ear
So, no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

They hurry like savages to get aboard an iron train
And though it's smokey and it's crowded, they're too civilized to complain
When they've got two weeks vacation, they hurry to vacation ground (What do they do, Darling?)
They swim and they fish, but that's what I do all year round So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no jailhouse, shotgun, fish-hooks, golf clubs, I got my spears
So, no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

They have things like the atom bomb, so I think I'll stay where I "ahm"
Civilization, I'll stay right here!

audio for your listening pleasure

Until next time, this is Three Dog, Owwww Ooooooh!

Change, change, change.

2010-02-10T18:43:00.004-06:00

Yes, it does seem that I have found a healthy (?) dose of change in the last day or so. Definitely did not want it, definitely did not deserve it, definitely am trying to be positive about it.

I think being positive is all it's cracked up to be. Why? Well, because, whenever I take the positivism approach I usually end up either indifferent or feeling OK about normally depressing events. So, here I go again.

Had a great weekend. Made it up to Berea--and by Berea I mean spending all of 3 hours in Berea and the rest in Richmond and Mt. Sterling (McCoy's place) where we watched UK demolish LSU and had one of the best nights in a LOOOONG time, respectively.

Speaking of that night. It was realllllly good. Also, one of the best drunken impromptu playings of Gin and Juice (the Gourds version) with myself on guitar, McCoy on bass and Hargis leading the choir to a rousing rendition. Fucking A it was good enough to have been in an Avett Brothers show.

Next weekend looks promising; that crew is most likely traversing to Nashville for some good times and maybe to see the UK vs. Vandy game. Who knows.

Langhorne Slim and Drive-By in Lexington in April. Countdown started.

Trey is at the Ryman in a couple weeks...fuck I need to get a ticket.

--end stream of thought--

Light will fill our eyes, like cataracts

2009-12-15T10:32:00.004-06:00

And as it were; it was not--nor was it ever--a question of whom or really even how, but instead a completely unequivocal realization that none can equate the vague human needs for emotions as little more than a circumstantial equation of where and when.

Thus, the idea of a unfettering and inequitable singular notion of "the one" or a "soul mate" is little more than a constructed rationalization that what we crave is somehow destined or the only possible answer. However, it is none; it is simply a correlation--direct--of where you are, who you are and a majority consensus of chance alone.

If you can not live in the now and not regress to what-ifs then you have doomed yourself to an internment in a made-up, fake, completely non-existent and curiously savage feeling.

Life is perfect, and only once I realized that if I had been born, transplanted or made one single decision differently as soon as even a few months ago, I would be in a completely different place, mindset and set of stimuli. I am bound to the present set of chained decisions that has led me to the exact point in time that I am. I am a product of yesterdays choices and tomorrows issues. I am a product of my own making.

And, I like what I have made, so far.

Short week + weekend

2009-10-13T16:15:00.003-05:00

That's usually the problem, right?

I went home weekend before last for the first time in several months (oh yes, was that nice) with Kayla. I knew she would really enjoy my house and she wanted to go even though it was her birthday (finally 21!).

Came back to Nashville and mother dearest followed me down for a stay through the week since she had some time off. It was nice to spend time with just her--that rarely happens since we're usually running around at home and the trip to Cali back in August was spent visiting with relatives and enjoying the scenery. We ate out quite a bit, cooked some good food, sat back and relaxed. It was nice having her around--especially since she cleaned my apartment for me! Woot! Go mom!

She left Friday morning and then Friday night (around freaking 1:48am) my best friend in the whole world, Amy, came to visit! I was pumped--it's been over 5 months since we hung out and didn't even fully realize how much I had missed her until she pulled up (after, yes, getting lost finding my place--what's new...) :)

Between great food with her, Andrew Bird at the Ryman, a midnight seafood feast and a trip to an art museum I felt like I had been gone from the world for the summer and fall. It was nice to do things together that we always used to do. It was like we were never apart.

I have 50 hagfish to dissect this week--which oddly enough I am looking forward to since it is a great mind engager keeping my mind from wandering.

I am scheduled to take the GRE in December, so starting first thing next week I will begin to study hard just to do as well as possible. Then I will begin applications.

My, my. I knew this part was going to have to come sooner or later! :)

Nashville | The Setup, The Con, The Arrival

2009-09-25T14:34:00.005-05:00

I am living in Nashville.

That's right. Living in Nashville. I would not have believed you had you told me I would be last summer when I interned at the Med Center. I would not have believed you even as of March of this very year--in fact, my opportunity to come back to this lab nearly happened overnight.

I called my former PI (principal investigator) from last summer sometime in early March with a proposition: I am graduating in less than two months, I will have my Biology degree and chemistry load, and will be in dire need of an outlet for some of this new found smarts.

That was the Setup.

The Con was that I somehow have found that throughout my life I have, yes, worked hard for the things I want, but have had an unwavering feeling of inadequacy--or at least a feeling of 'there's someone better suited for that job out there' and no, that is a horrible attitude. Yet, it wasn't that I conned someone into thinking I was worthy of a job, but rather that I convinced myself that I was worthy.

Finally, I came down to Nashville after merely a week after graduating. I had spent that week, laying on the couch, trying to contemplate what it meant to be done with college, and the rest of the time in between I spent calling and emailing places for an apartment.

We loaded up the old band trailer and the explorer and also my car, and my parents droved behind me to my new home. I did not have a place to live yet, a sense of orientation, or a fluttering idea of what it meant to be an adult, but I had an opportunity and somehow that was enough motivation. I found a place after only looking at 5 or 6 apartments, moved in the next day now with my brother and sister-in-law's help and my parents.

They all left Sunday. Work started Monday.

Fast-forward a bit, I was in love with my job. I was a teacher/biologist/director of operations for a summer program for rural Arkansan high school students doing real world chemisty and biology (yes, biochemistry). The program spawned out of a few, well-placed, perfectly timed, insanely stacked series of events that led to my job.

Firstly, the lab was hoping to publish their big results in Science magazine--one of the two most respected scientific publications in the world. In fact, it is the American analog to Nature. To get into either of these is like winning the Super Bowl. Oh, you can read the article here. (Yes, that is an article on the paper--much easier and more fun to read) and out of this paper which more important to the matter is the subject, a desire to delve deeper into these results was wanted by Dr. Hudson.

So here we have it: ground-breaking research, opportunity for huge project into data, biological premise, and former intern who is a biologist/chemist looking for a job calls you.

There you have it: a job starting off with the high school program looking at upwards of 20 animals to find this data in them as well--that data is a new protein bond, something that has disease, genetic and evolutionary-developmental implications.

The summer was spectacular: I fell in love with those students and I could not have asked for a better group. It's over now, but we found real data. Real results for high schoolers!? I NEVER had that opportunity when I was 16 and 17. Now I'm doing that research but on my own. It's much different than the summer--more independent, less bustling, less energy...but the feeling is still there. When I do a western blot on an animal tissue that has never been studied like this before and I see something in there that NO ONE on Earth has seen before--and I'm the first to see it? It feels something akin to being Neil Armstrong, Galileo, or Robert Hooke and his cell...OK, not that glamourous, but maybe to me it is.

I'm here for a while. At least until next spring. I've got a great apartment, a great workplace, the best family anyone could ever ask for, and the best thing that has come out of this summer is someone who has done something for me that no one ever has: made me happy in a way I've never known. Kayla is the greatest thing I've ever had the privilege of having.

It just shows you, that you really can never know where you can be in six months, a year, a couple weeks...

I moved to Nashville in early June with the only known thing that I was scared.

Out of it, I had the best experience of any summer research experience, I have a real job, and the best girlfriend of all time.

I'm in love with life.

2009-05-27T22:28:00.003-05:00

Nobody will say
Oh what a fine young upstanding man
With his ducks in a row and his 50 year plan
Complete with an ending
But it's getting harder to see
And the time between daylight seems longer to me
And the person I am and the person I'll be
Refuse to meet

Avett Brothers Black, Blue

My, My It's been a while

2009-04-12T18:51:00.003-05:00

It surely has since I have last blogged. In fact, the last time was Election Night in November; a rather exciting night that no less than the entire world was watching. It's nice to know I was apart of that.

Since then, I've completed my second to last semester of college, my last january term--which I travelled to Paris for an entire month and yes, it was every bit of the most amazing trip of my life thusly. I'm already two months into my last semester and only looking at little over a month left in college.

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

It's hard to imagine that I'm finally at the precipice of this part of life. Although, before the transition to college I found it hard to imagine myself in college. It's going to be interesting where I go from now. I'm currently looking at a job at Vanderbilt University working in the same lab as I did last summer working on a slightly different--albeit same issue--as last summer and with a dramatically different MO. I'm looking at possibly starting my own real-world research project, and perhaps teaching/working with students getting them interested in science and all at the same time, I'd be doing real work and getting high school students excited about science. A great gig for a couple years, something that would look stellar on a med school application.

I'm curious to know where my life is headed. I am excited at the prospect of returning to Nashville. It was an impeccable city, that I fell in love with quite hard. Having my own place, my own project working on some biochem. I'm not sure if I can think of a better way to settle out after college.

The only problem is, I'm that much further from the important things in life; a summer is one thing, but year? two? There are a very few things in life that I could never go without. I hope one day we find each other.

Let's see where we all go.

Yes, We Did!

2008-11-05T18:41:00.002-06:00

So, after months of hard work by millions of volunteers, countless donors helping fund the greatest campaign in US history, we have done it.

We control the government now.

House, Senate, and Oval Office.

Yes, We Can, Yes, We Did.

Here's to a great four (eight?) years ahead!

Yes, We Can.

2008-10-29T23:51:00.000-05:00

Yes.

We.

Can.

Vote Obama & Biden on Tuesday.

Free Zune!

2008-10-01T11:56:00.001-05:00

http://www.iamthedivablog.com/2008/09/free-zune-for-me-free-zune-for-you.html

Just

So Begins The End

2008-09-30T00:12:00.002-05:00

Apparently it is nearing the first midterm of my senior year.

Let me reiterate that last statement as it is a bit much to convey and understand simply...

My SENIOR YEAR of college.

Trust me, I'm way more surprised at how much time as flown by. Last I checked I was a Freshman, and apparently I'm now a fourth-year college student and I'm not sure where I lost track.

It's nice though; something along the lines of being a senior in high school where you just feel like the top-dog, yet it's different in college. I'm not sure how to explain it, however I can say that I feel like for the first time a truly real and substantial sense of direction. It's merely a sense of belonging I feel towards thoughts of what I'm going to be doing after college, and I suppose the best way to really express it is to use the "light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel" anecdote.

I am 25% of the way through my senior year. It's been unescapably fast, and without a doubt it has been good. classes and work are just perfect, and I feel like for the first time at Berea I have the perfect semester. Not merely a good or great semester, but a perfect one. With Botany with Thompson, Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy with Roy, and Parasitology with Rosen I could not be happier. Work is great, I love the Chem department.

Perhaps in the future I might be digging up dinosaur bones, or working with parasites, growing bacterial cultures, seeing patients, conducting biomedical research, working at the CDC, working in immunology or even doing some hybrid of these. Perhaps is true. It will be one of these, I have such a broad pallete with which to pursue and at times a broad sense of taste can be the kiss of death, yet this time that broad sense of taste is giving me no less than a bottomless barrel from which I'll find my place in the world.

Whatever I do, however, I'll be the best goddamn person at it.

There is no passion; there is serenity.

Goodness, Things ist Gut

2008-07-16T22:50:00.005-05:00

Man.

I don't know what happened. I really don't. I went from a lower level 2 back up to a mid-range 8 or so within a day. I feel so much better about everything--and the reason for this new found optimism?

Fuck if I know.

I'm happy though, I've got nothing to complain about really, and the things that I can complain about are little more than selfish, ignorant fears and desires. I need to get myself straight about a few things, and so far I think I'm making good progress.

I've listened to well more than any one person's share of Blue October the last four or five days, and my, oh, my, I am falling more and more in love with this band each listen through. By far, one of the greatest artistic, lyrically endowed alternative rock bands of all time. My god, Justin Furstenfeld is one of, not only, the best singers in Rock today, but one of (if not THE) most talented, and insightful songwriters in Rock music today. He is very much on par with M. Ward in the eclectic, way-too-wise-and-thoughtful lyric department. Do yourself a big favor, and go out and buy (yes, BUY) the album Foiled right this instant. An Alt-Rock classic in its purest, most unadulterated perfection. Not a single bad song, not a single misstep, not a single corner cut. Nay, this is one of the most shining and brilliant examples of what music can and should do for the listener. Lyrics are not meant to tell you everything. No. They are meant to grow, evolve, bring new meanings with each new experience by the listener. The joy that I wrought from this music and words two years ago is nary close to what it is today.

And that is a good thing.

My god, I love Pandora, and to make it better it has finally come to the iphone as an app. I'm addicted. If you want to find new music in the easiest, most intuitive way possible then Pandora is for you. If you haven't discovered Pandora by now then you are living under a rock and still suckling on the radio teat.

New Belgium Ales are now in Nashville. Oh yes. I have finally tried the infamous "Fat Tire" and am currently sipping on the 1554 Enlightened Black Ale.

Dear God. This, my friends, is beer perfection. Intertwined with musical bliss, sonic calamity, and happily centered mind I can't think of a better way to spend my Wednesday night.

Good night all. Remember what I said! Get that Blue October album!

P.S. I am starting to like Dashboard Confessional. Took long enough I suppose. Yes, though, I am getting there. "The Rush" is amazing. I love the drums ;)

P.P.S. As I just wrote that, Dashboard "Don't Wait" just came on my Pandora 'Rock and Indie' station as a potential song that I might like.

Blue October - Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

That Is All.

On New Directions

2008-06-19T18:05:00.005-05:00

So, over the last four days I have had a certain amount of thoughts that have been nothing less than lingering over my head.

This week in lab has been one of those weeks and in the scientific community "one of those weeks" is a very intimidating week. You spend two, three or more weeks concentrating hard on a subject gathering a lot of data and getting somewhere fast. Then, when all else is smoothly sailing along the seas of insight and well-kept-plans, you reach a week where everything slows down to a crawl, things don't work, colonies don't appear on your plates after all that work: PCR magnification, purification, running gels, dna extractions from gels, digests, ligations and then ultimately transfections.

Well, long story short, it's one of those weeks. It's been a lot of hurry-up-and-wait, the kind of work that is necessary; dirty and unhappy, but necessary for the big tickets. I've come to realize a very, very important aspect of my personality that I do not really think I ever fully realized even though I would make self-aware claims like this all the time.

I am dependent on responsibility, pressure and engagement.

When I come home early from lab I feel lazy and unfulfilling. When I sit around with nothing to do I get disgusted with myself. I find some kind of solace in dealing with any problem in my head while working diligently on mixing reagents, running absorbances, whatever--you name it.

Thus, to my real epiphany that I fully uncovered today. I am built for the graduate student life. The stories and stereotypes of grad students staying in lab from 8am to 9pm are not false. They are absolutely true and absolutely ubiquitous. Working weekends are true. It is all true. Grad students work nearly as much as budding doctors, and get less than the credit they deserve. They must grapple with the mindset of undergraduate philosophies that is now meant to think outside of the box completely. Thinking that transcends problem solving--more importantly problem-identifying. There are a million and one ways to ask any question to some far-off answer. Likely there are equal correct ways about doing something, yet it is something wholeheartedly different identifying the best path to answer those questions.

Thus I realized that no matter where I end up in life, I must have pressure, responsibility and expectations piling up at my feet. Otherwise I will live a very unhappy, unfulfilling life.

Now, just can't wait for the beach.

What really grinds my gears...

2008-06-16T12:40:00.002-05:00

So, I decided, "you know what? I'm going to sell my Zune 30 on Amazon and get a cool $130-160 for it and help finance a new Zune 80 in the next month or so, right?"

Well, guess what? You have to PAY Amazon $40.00 per month to sell shit like that on there! Granted it is a great deal for buyers--you get a much greater feeling of trust from the seller that it is not crap since they have to pay good money to sell it...but they charge MUCH more on there than Ebay for Marketplace Zune's! Thus, to sell on Amazon I could get about $160, on ebay? $90-100!

That sucks, because Amazon has a buyer guarantee--if I were to sell a bad item to ANYONE, they could call amazon, get reimbursed then I have to deal with Amazon...so why not just use that Policy for sellers of Mp3 players and other big items!? It's crappy, really, and I'm a little dissapointed because I was totally going to use that to finance a new Zune... :(

Oh well, maybe I can sell it somewhere else

On New Things

2008-06-15T09:58:00.002-05:00

So, the past week or so I have had quite a bit of an undertaking. I have sampled (well, more than sampled...) pretty much every big release that I have been curious about.

The new Coldplay, My Morning Jacket, Black Keys, Weezer, She & Him, and the new Death Cab for Cutie. Let's just start from the beginning of that list.

The new Coldplay is just good, flat-out good. They seem like they have finally found their sound and style and not venturing too far into sappiness that they were so found of for so long. If nothing else, check out the opening track and "42" to really get a good idea of this rocking English band at their best. The new My Morning Jacket Evil Urges, is less than stellar. MMJ has been one of my most favorite bands for quite a long time, yet this is the first album ever that I wasn't blown away the first listen. The tracks that I downloaded before release, "Highly Suspicious" and "Evil Urges," are by far the most exciting songs on the record, and "I'm Amazed" probably being my most favorite track so far. I just can't get into it too much, maybe after i see them live again it will all jostle, but I'm not sure I like this new direction. Z was good, different than normal, but good. Maybe classic, but not sure about this one yet. Black Keys is good, they aren't my favorite band and never will be, but I can put them on most anytime and really dig it.

The new Weezer is awesome. Not as poppy as the last outing, but definitely with some of the most memorable songs I've heard in a while. She & Him has proven to be the most efficient next step for M. Ward. Being a HUUUGE M. Ward fan, I was skeptical how someone else could hope to share his spotlight, but Zooey Deschanel is an amazing singer and the style of the music has only merely changed--if only to fit her singing. A great album.

The new M. Night movie, The Happening was by far one of the most laughable movies I have ever seen. I am the biggest M. Night apologist you'll meet. I loved all the other movies he did, with a passion. From The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, to The Village and Signs I was sold and they are by far the best horror movies I have ever seen. Lady in the Water was good, and I enjoyed it for what is was worth, and maybe The Happening is meant to be taken no more serious than a B-movie...because that is exactly what it is. A B-movie with a twenty million dollar budget. Mark Wahlberg was amazing, always a commanding actor, but there was so much over-acting by actors who are generally some of the most compelling you will ever see, so much black humor, so much just flat out holes in the plot that I believe M. Night was making his modern day 1960s/1970s cheap thrill b-movie.

If that is the case, I loved it. If not, this movie made me lose my faith in politically driven suspense movies forever.

Where To Begin

2008-06-09T23:42:00.006-05:00

Wow, so it's been a harrowing past three weeks or so.

I am quite sure that I've gone from one attitude to the next to the next in those three weeks, and for that I feel like I'm actually feeling a little more whole and intact now that I'm in Nashville. Obviously living in a new town would make one feel more focused, right? Yeah, I did not expect that either.

Nashville is an amazing town; though only being here for almost two weeks, I have done enough and seen enough to realize that I really digg this town. From the small side streets with plethora of small shops and hang-outs to the ridiculous downtown of Broadway. I really like Nashville, and I really like Vanderbilt.

I am loving my lab! My PI is one of the most intriguing and interesting fellows I have ever met, and my research is really exciting me. The grad student I am working with is unbelievably helpful and understanding and I could not ask for a better advisor for this summer. The Post-Docs in the lab are all wonderful and nice and full of their own unique flavor. I am one of three domestics in the lab, the rest being internationals from Russian, Ukraine, Iran and even China. I know what your thinking, the axis of evil in my lab, right? Yeah, that sure is an astute observation by such a clever individual as yourself. Go ahead and have yourself a delicious cookie in honor of your hilarious humour.

Things are going well. Too well?

Perhaps the best news in the last week has been not only my PI being completely okay with me taking a leave of absence for a week to go on my family vacation (with literally the entire family ~25 people) to Holden Beach, but also that my best friend in the world, Amy, will be joining me.

I am so excited and it will be, by far, the best vacation ever.

Done deal.

I have beaten GTAIV, downloaded countless new albums (the new Coldplay is amazing! and I generally don't go for them) and the entire M. Ward discography (because he and Zooey Deschanel are coming to Nashville July 30, and I purchased an iPhone. It is amazing. I'm getting along great with the guys down here in my suite (though I don't much like my arrogant roommate--oh well, he doesn't have to know I honestly think he's a piece of shit, right?)

Everything is great, I could not hope to be anywhere else this summer.

3 weeks, 3 weeks!

Nashville At Night

2008-06-09T22:23:00.001-05:00

Nashville At Night, originally uploaded by aaronfidler.

Aaron Fidler

Holy Frack

2008-04-29T19:00:00.003-05:00

So, in the past few days things have gone from fine to good to great to awesome to "shit, things are fucking awesome!"

I am so alive, and so happy. I've been so confused and unsure about so many things--selfishly and stubbornly I've kept myself from enjoying things, doing things, thinking things and being different shades of myself. It's amazing what a few little tidbits of good news and conversation can do to a man when he feels slightly contemplative about matters.

This past weekend was without a doubt one of the best I've had in a long time. Went up to Lexington on Friday night to ice skate with Kira, Seth and Linds and had a blast--it's been six years since I've done that--then spent the rest of the night chatting at Seth's house then ending up at Kira's dorm at Transylvania with Boyd and Linds and drank a bit and enjoyed the evening highly! I have to make a rather large admission; Kira has not one, but two macs, an iMac and a Macbook, and after spending a bit really checking them out I really want one; honestly I don't know why, but they just have a nice feel to them. I think I would soley use it for music and video and I think that's just fine. Until Zune can be used on macs I think I'll hold out. Camping Saturday night was awesome; we just spent the whole evening looking over Berea and Richmond and listened to the radio via my Zune. Dined on Cheez-Its and Jones root beer (fucking amazing) and stayed until 3pm Sunday.

Registered for classes; good news is I've got Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy, Botany and Parasitology (which was closesd, but Rosen def. let me in cause I'm awesome) but Senior Seminar is up in the air--maybe until Spring. Fuck it.

Weekend looks awesome; bonfire Friday with Amy, Linds, Boyd, Seth, Lena and Kira

To celebrate a great weekend and week (so far) here's an awesome new tune:

M.I.A. - Paper Planes (my new favorite song)

How fast can you type?

2008-04-24T10:02:00.002-05:00

Pretty interesting to see how much I could actually type--and wow, I'm impressed.

69 words

Speedtest

The Avett Brothers - The Weight of Lies

2008-04-14T22:32:00.005-05:00

The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town
'cause, nothing happens here
That doesn't happen there

So when you run, make sure you run
To something, and not away from
'cause lies don't need an aeroplane
To chase you down

The Avett Brothers - The Weight of Lies

New Chapter

2008-04-13T22:56:00.002-05:00

So, a new day it is. A new chapter has started, I feel, and I'm oddly glad to be done with the last portion of my life. Oddly I feel excited to start living fully and not confined to another person for awhile. Do what I want, when I want, and how I want.

Friday was a confusing day, a very confusing day. Started off well enough--8am Psych was a breeze, no Buddhism, Physics at 1pm, and Hiking was spent creating do-it-yourself burners from tuna cans, parafin and cardboard. Quick and easy day. Yet, that wasn't all; had a final spat with my significant other, and called it quits.

I feel like it's a definite this time and not anything to take lightly. I don't feel like there is a future there at all and for that reason I can't even muster enough sadness, remorse or regret to make myself feel like I just came out of a long, six year relationship. I just feel emptier, and a little less solid. I don't have my usual strategy to take on the day and I don't have my habits to fall back on--we are creatures of habit and when we lose something that was integral to those habits it is hard to not feel lost and confused and a little disoriented.

Disoriented, that is certainly how I feel. Yet, I feel optimistic about the future. Just finish out this semester and then I'll be heading to Vanderbilt University to do some research this summer with Dr. Billy G. Hudson. I am very excited and anxious for this opportunity; I know I can do it and I know I'll be fine there, but it's a big university and this research is going to be intensive and very much real world research. I've got to prepare, how will I do that? By reading a metric ton of published papers and knowing them quite well.

I just watched Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries this weekend with Jeffrey and Johnny and I am completely blown away by this show! It is phenomenal--highly suggested to any sci-fi fan, and any drama fan. It will certainly transcend those who have a sci-fi-aversion. It is superb. I couldn't wait for the season 1 first disc to come in netflix so I thought I'd try the Amazon Unbox download service while I was at it--whole first season for $20. Not bad. It just finished downloading, so I shall be watching that in just a few moments.

Things are pretty good I must say, just have to get my academics in full gear, my social life tweaked, and get my head to stop spinning long enough so I don't miss the next road sign.

Bon Iver - re: Stacks

Flickr

2008-04-10T15:56:00.001-05:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Memory Lane via MP3

2008-04-05T00:09:00.006-05:00

So, I'm sitting here listening to some old sappy songs about love and love lost, and all the melancholic feelings it invariable inspires, and this little Irish chap I'm listening never has let me down.

Why? Well, I'll tell you, because that's how I am feeling tonight; it's quite particularly something tonight. Don't know why, don't really care, all I know is I'm feeling a little down and these are a few Damien Rice songs that get me feeling quite alright about my state. Enjoy.

Damien Rice - Amie (O)
Damien Rice - Delicate (O)
Damien Rice - Cannonball (O)

I bought Children of Men, Syriana, and Serenity yesterday at a crappy consignment shop all for $18, and yes I was (am) quite happy. Absolutely loved Children of Men, but never got to finish/really watch Syriana and that's a movie that really demands attention, and of course I love Firefly so by default I love the movie, Serenity.

Also, enjoy this new tune by the Evangelicals.
Evangelicals - Skeleton Man (The Evening Descends)

Time to go to bed. Classes start back Monday. I am certainly well-rested and ready for them.

Big Hard Sun, Beating Down On Me

2008-04-01T23:18:00.000-05:00

So, I finally got around to watching Into the Wild and I have to say it is one of the most fascinating and involving films I've ever seen. I had wanted to watch it when it first came out in theaters but with a full class schedule at Berea as a science major, that says otherwise. So, I put it into my Netflix queue on a whim and not a few days later a friend of mine mentioned I would love it. I was pretty confident I was going to enjoy the movie. I knew only vague bits about the story of Christopher McCandless, and ultimately I had no real idea what was going to happen in the film.

I loved the screenplay, certainly all credit is to be given to Sean Penn for taking this story from John Krakauer's book and turning it into a story of not what happens to Chris when he makes it to Alaska, but rather what happens to him along the way and ultimately the fragility and indelible sanctity of the relationships we form during our lives. The ability for us to spend entire lives with someone and only finally realize that you can never understand each other and the other rarer and more special relationships involving those who understand us within a breaths leaving us and how an entire existence of someone can be so easily transduced to someone we hardly know and just met. That is exactly what this film evokes among other things. Including the fragility of relationships is the undeniable beauty and draw some of us feel towards the Great Outdoors.

I myself have felt that call, the call of the simple--of the free and unorganized. I felt a great urge and to a great extent still do, to hike the Appalachian Trail. The thought of leaving behind my cellphone, my laptop, my Zune, my Xbox and my lightbulbs seemed to draw me based on the hopes of a sort of cleansing it would create. To lose all those attachments, the obsessions we create based on nothing more than our own sedentary lifestyles at times. Truly, this film has inspired me moreso, and has also redirected these desires towards the great Northwest. Alaska always seemed desirable, but moreso now. I'd have to go in late spring/early summer. To brave the cold on first trek would be very unwise. I hope to one day. To be able to drop all I am doing and head there would be the greatest experience I could ever hope to accomplish. I would love to visit the site of the Magic Bus. I feel as if McCandless has become a sort of heroic figure in my eyes--much against (I'm sure) his intentions. He embodies what I believe we all on some level hope to do; drop our attachments, our silly obligations, drop the mold that we feel so strongly about filling and head out into the woods. Where else could it be simpler I ask? I've spent my share of camping in the forests of Appalachia.

I know as well as anyone that its not some simple, easy going life. There is struggle. Food is not readily available like a fridge or pantry, and thus you must work for your nourishment and your shelter. Taking care of your equipment can mean the difference between a good time, an annoying time and a nearly fatal experience. However, the work and the struggle of spending great lengths of time in the wild could only be an experience that would relax the mind and calm oneself. As a student of Buddhism, this feeling is even more so true. To finally attain the understanding to leave behind one's fetters and head into the unknown and ultimately realize the great things there are to know--the things you can not learn from a textbook or a classroom or a movie or from sitting comfortably in your home--seems undeniable fascinating and I hope I can one day--soon--spend only a little while trying to figure myself out in the wild.

I've ordered Krakauer's book and hope to start reading it very soon.

clip of McCandless' discovery of his famed 'Magic Bus'

Enjoy these amazing Eddie Vedder tunes from the soundtrack:
Eddie Vedder - Guaranteed
Eddie Vedder - Hard Sun

Here's to hearing your call of the wild.

Let It Break

2008-03-29T20:22:00.000-05:00

I love spring break. I just do. I don't know why, I never do anything extraordinary like travel to the coast or head to the mountains, but I do always go to my brother & sister-in-law's abode in Cincinnati for a bit, and invariably head home for the final days.

Well, here I am whence more, and it's lovely. Dined on some authentic Thai food (Mae Ploy, Pad Thai, Coconut Curry, Pineapple Fried Rice), and currently we are watching what has so far been the most unexciting stretch of NCAA tournament play I've ever seen--especially for Elite Eight play. UCLA destroying Xavier (my choice) today, Davidson, Kansas, Texas and Memphis yesterday all dominating in the games and winning by nearly 20 points. Not exciting, and not worthy of too much attention since none of the teams are my teams. Louisville and UNC right now, L'ville not doing so great right now. Down a few. I'm not sure who to root for in this match-up; too many ties and rivalries with these two teams and UK. I'll figure that out before long though.

Tomorrow we are heading to the Bodies exhibit at the Cincy Museum and I am very excited. I know the Pre-Med Club is heading there after break sometime, so looks like I'll be visiting this place twice, I do hope it is only half as cool as I hope it is. If that is the case, I will be very happy.

I've felt empty lately. Very much so. I've reestablished a very important contact within the last couple weeks and honestly that's been the best part of my year so far; though still quite bittersweet. I just don't it'll ever be fine with me, just that feeling--that deep down feeling--just hasn't gone away and I doubt that it will. It's OK though, things are going alright and I've got plenty to look forward to. I've just got to get my head on straight--it feels like it is for a little stretch of time and before I know it I'm back to where I was. I just need a good adhesive I suppose.

I was informed by the head of our biology department, Dr. Dawn Anderson, that I was selected to go to Vanderbilt this summer as a research program! I'm so excited and it's going to be several levels above what I did last summer. I will be working for Dr. Billy G. Hudson at the Vanderbilt University Cancer Center. This man is huge in the industry--with some 120 publications, two drugs produced from his lab with one finishing phase II trials and the other in phase I, and he's founded two companies. He deals with renal diseases (kidney) and is not a lightweight. I'll be doing real-world research and spending my days working on projects that will maybe benefit someone one day.

I'm so incredibly excited, and so nervous. Not only is it a big university, but it's a real-deal biomedical researcher. It's going to be something else.

You should really check out the new NIN album. I got it when it first came out and it's amazing. It's only available from NIN online, and it's only $5 for the whole download. All instrumental, and to me that is how Nine Inch Nails should be. Get it here.

Well, I've got the new Mass Effect episode downloaded and ready to play when I get home. Yes, I am excited.

Weird things just happen

2008-03-09T23:34:00.000-05:00

So, my coffee maker apparently adjusted itself for DST without my help, nor my roommates.

How this happened, I am not sure and really I am quite perturbed by this. I know it was the correct time before, because it would automatically start making my coffee at 7:15am on the dot every morning since months ago.

Yet, now, my demon coffee maker has decided to put itself an hour ahead and save me the apparent trouble of putting the time a head an hour.

Wow.

Ok, back to Buddhism...

Let It Rain

2008-03-04T00:40:00.000-06:00

It's been quite the Kentucky weather as of late. Not more than last week it was ~17-23 Fahrenheit, yet yesterday it was no less than 60 degrees and today--almost 70 degrees Fahrenheit!

It's quite the predicament, I do say. Do I embrace the weather and enjoy all that spring is/has/will entail, or should I accept it all at face-value and hope I don't get to attached to the wonderful feeling that is seventy degrees, sunny and slightly breezy? Well, that was an easy one. I should freaking hope I don't get attached and expect shitty-ness tomorrow.

In fact, as it goes, tomorrow will be shitty and I don't expect I'll be anything other than affirmed come this time tomorrow afternoon.

This semester has become something of a blur. I'm not sure how to handle 'blurs' and likely I'll treat these feelings as I did the original 'blurs,' thus continuing some sort of evil scheme to uproot all collegiate types in the hope of offsetting the bliss that is intelligence. Seriously, though, I've been taken aback recently at how fast the semester has gone. On one hand, I've already had an exam in Psychology and Quant Chemistry (yet, not Physics or Buddhism) and this is mind-boggling. I need to study...essentially I feel like an ant and I'm not sure how long until I get squashed.

The past few days have been both therapeutic as well as unsettling. I've finally come forth with those little nagging (and by little I mean impossibly huge) feelings that seem to bother me EVERY GOD DAMN DAY.

It's all true.

All of it.

I'm afraid the truth hurts. I'm afraid that, somehow, putting out the truth is something equivalent to the kiss-of-death.

Spring is almost here.

I need to go to sleep, but tomorrow (or when it's pretty again) I'll celebrate that fact.

From Senator Obama, Just Now:

2008-02-20T14:20:00.000-06:00

Aaron --

We learned something extraordinary since I wrote to you last night.

We've crunched all the numbers and discovered that we are within striking distance of something historic: one million people donating to this campaign.

Think about that ... nearly one million people taking ownership of this movement, five dollars or twenty-five dollars at a time.

We're already more than 900,000 strong, including over half-a-million donating so far this year. This unprecedented foundation of support has built a campaign that has shaken the status quo and proven that ordinary people can compete in a political process too often dominated by special interests.

Unlike Senator Clinton or Senator McCain, we haven't taken a dime from Washington lobbyists or special interest PACs. Our campaign is responsible to no one but the people.

One million donors would be a remarkable feat -- something that's never been done before in a presidential primary and something no one ever thought would be possible for us. And your generosity made it possible.

But it's going to take an incredible organizing effort to bring in 100,000 new donors before March 4th.

Be a part of this historic effort. Make a donation as part of our matching program, and you will bring in a first-time donor by doubling the impact of their contribution. You can even choose to exchange notes and let them know why you are part of this movement.

There's less than two weeks until March 4th, but you can be part of this historic push right now. Make your matching donation here:

https://donate.barackobama.com/promise

We started this improbable journey a little over a year ago in Springfield, Illinois.

And because you've joined together to make your voices heard, this journey isn't looking as improbable anymore.

Since our victory on February 5th, we've won ten straight contests.

But on March 4th, we face a huge challenge in Texas and Ohio, who will vote along with Rhode Island and Vermont. We are behind in the big states and need as many people involved as possible if we're going to win.

If we can reach our goal of one million donors by March 4th, we can send a powerful message that the Washington establishment and big-money interests cannot ignore.

As one million people with one voice, we can tell them that their days of dominating Washington are coming to an end -- the old politics are crumbling and a new voice is breaking through. Our voice.

Will you make a matching donation now to make it happen?

https://donate.barackobama.com/promise

I learned the power of ordinary people coming together as a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago.

I worked side-by-side with people who had been laid off from steel plants that were moved overseas. These were people who needed new jobs to rebuild their lives, and their political leaders were ignoring them.

But even though the odds were stacked against them, they discovered that by coming together with one voice, they could no longer be ignored.

When we launched this campaign, we knew we were up against similar odds. We knew we'd be running against a massive political machine with deep ties to the Washington establishment.

We knew it wouldn't be easy.

But if we can do this, we're not just going to win an election. We're going to change our country.

Thank you so much,

Barack

An Open Letter to the Superdelegates and Undecided Voters of America

2008-02-15T14:55:00.000-06:00

Dear Esteemed Superdelegates of this Great Land:

I am a twenty year-old guy who is currently attending Berea College in Berea, Kentucky studying--amongst a wide variety of subjects--Biology and Chemistry as a Pre-Medical Student.

Last time around, circa Fall 2004, I was unable to voice my opinion on who should be the Commander-in-Chief of my favorite country on Earth. I begged those of my peers who were at least 18 and not interested in voting to go vote. I felt that if I could somehow persuade others who could vote to vote for whom I thought (and still truly believe) would have been the better candidate out of the two options, I could somehow have some satisfaction in something close to actually casting a ballot.

I was not as fortunate as I had believed we might be as my candidate was not chosen. I was heartbroken, I honestly did not understand how so many people could have voted for the wrong person. I agreed with nothing he stood (stands) for and every part of my body was against his re-election. Yet, here I am four years later and I am old enough, two years to spare! I do, in retrospect, look at the election four years ago and wonder to myself was it meant to be that Bush was SUPPOSED to be re-elected? Is somehow our country in the need of a revolution? What if Bush wouldn't have been re-elected? Where would we be? I'm not sure, however I do believe that we would have been better off than we are now.

However, I am not fully convinced of this. I really do believe that Bush was SUPPOSED to be re-elected just because Barack Obama was SUPPOSED to be the change we all crave and long for so much that it hurts to think of what would happen if we got a Bush 2.0!

I have never been so strongly political in my beliefs until I first heard Senator Barack Obama speak. It was perfect, I felt his sincerity, his earnest, his desire to bring change, but most importantly, I could FEEL his pain--the same pain I feel and as do most Americans at the state of our Great Union.

I do not know Barack Obama, nor will I probably ever personally know him. It does not matter, however. What matters is I have found the one political figure that my entire family can agree on and whom all my peers, colleagues, college professors, enemies and people I will never know can really stand behind.

We need someone to restore our credibility, our global voice that once was held with such high regard and respect. We were the "do-no-wronger's" of the world. Of course I'd be arrogant to believe that it was just so Utopian. Yet, I'd be a fool to believe that we are not THE superpower of the world. The most capable union of like-minded colonists who strove to tear our bindings from an oppressive dictator and form a piece of earth devoid of that kind of oppression, that kind of political back-stabbing, that kind of totalitarianism. The perfect ideal of perfection in any sense of the Human condition. I feel that we have become the enemy we once hated, the enemy our wise Forefathers stood against in the name of freedom and justice and peace.

It is not just this country's reputation that needs Obama's prowess, it is not just the economy that needs Obama's conviction, nor the dreadful war, the health care atrocity, the housing crisis, the impoverished people's, the pre-college students, the people who still live in the hell that was Hurricane Katrina's destruction, nor myself.

Who really needs Obama now, more than ever, is the common person--the person who does not have endless money in trust funds, inheritance, or enjoy the fruits of life like royalty.

However, I also do need Obama, and I would be forever grateful if you decide to pledge yourself for Senator Barack Obama so that he may truly prove himself worthy and become the Fourty-Fourth President of the United States of America and serve his well-needed time in the 56th and maybe 57th terms of United States Presidency.

Please, FOR ALL OUR SAKES, help Barack Obama in any way you can, especially with your decisive pledge.

In pursuit of the American Dream,

Aaron Fidler

Finals Suck

2007-12-11T21:15:00.000-06:00

Word from JackJohnsonMusic.com on Jack's new album:

Jack will be touring Australia, New Zealand & Europe in 2008!! Check out the Shows page for more information...

"Sleep Through The Static" hits stores in the US on February 5th. Here's the track-listing:

1. All At Once
2. Sleep Through The Static
3. Hope
4. Angel
5. Enemy
6. If I Had Eyes
7. Same Girl
8. What You Thought You Need
9. Adrift
10. Go On
11. They Do, They Don't
12. While We Wait
13. Monsoon
14. Losing Keys

Also, because 99.999% of us missed the greatest reunion of the this and last century, here's a couple videos of the monumental occasion.

Lastly, I saw the Bob Dylan biopic I'm Not There last weekend and I have to say I was unsure of it at first. I believe I was expecting a normal Hollywood story of his life a la Walk The Line or Ray, however after getting over this realization within the first half-hour (it's two and a half hours long) I was quite pleasantly disappointed. I really think it was one of the best music-based films I've ever seen, it was so refreshing in a way that I can't even describe. Alas, the soundtrack was possibly the very best part of the film.

Jack Johnson, Stephen Malkmus, Los Lobos, Sonic Youth, Jeff Tweedy (amazing), Black Keys, and my personal favorite, Jim James & Calexico performing one of the best Dylan tunes ever: Goin' To Acapulco. It was a show stopper, the entire scene featuring this song--not to mention the fact that Jim and Calexico were in the damn movie to perform it--was by far the best 10 minutes of the movie based on this part alone for myself.

Finals week is upon me (and most everyone in the nation) and I must get back to studying for Microbiology and Physics tomorrow and Thursday respectively. Thankfully

It's too damn hot outside....

2007-08-24T20:02:00.001-05:00

So, to cool off I'll have a little confessional:

I think I'm in love.

And not just some minuscule fluttering of the heart--i mean drop-dead heart stopping in love with this girl. Now I'm no fan of pop music or anything that is anywhere near the over-produced junk that pollutes the FM waves. Yet, I do have a very delicate soft spot for all things English: especially the women and the music.

What happens when you get both of those things together in a nice poppy feel-good album!?

Lily Allen-bliss that's what!

Damn good album--I still can't get over "LDN" though...oh it's the best summer song in a long time.

Lily Allen - LDN

The best news today is credited to Andy Gadiel and his Phish Blog. A video of Trey playing with DMB at the SPAC center in NY on the 14th of the month:

Good to see 'ol Red rockin' out still after all that's occured this past 9 months. Trey's latest solo album The Horseshoe Curve, a complete instrumental record liken to Seis de Mayo has proven to be one of his best solo releases second only to the 2001 self-titled release. Trey's original solo band (for the most part) returned for this compilation of winding jazz and rock compositions based mostly on a relaxed, congruent feel that seems to stem from the first track, "Sidewalks of San Francisco."

Hope to hear from Trey sooner this next time around and hopefully he's still doing good and has kicked the habit. Much love, Trey.

For tonight I've got Lily and this vid of Trey with Dave to keep me satisfied.

2007-08-23T16:34:00.001-05:00

Apparently, NASA has discovered extra-terrestrial life.....

and apparently, that extra-terrestrial life is the Empire's most powerful space station:

"We got Death Star! We got Death Star, knock 'em out the box Luke"

Home and Again

2007-08-22T18:35:00.000-05:00

So...after a long, whirlwind summer at good 'ol Berea, I'm finally home for some much needed--and wanted--R & R.

A little background: I spent this past spring's semester in BIO 313 Experimental Zoology with Dr. Ron Rosen and turns out I did pretty well and I enjoyed the course immensely; I've never had a zoo course and never really studied parasitic and animal physiology and pathologies. Come the end of the term, Dr. Rosen asks me to study with him this summer on his life's work: the parasite Proterometra macrostoma. Cool beans, right? Right! Spent most of the summer gaining quite a bit of knowledge and experience not only in parasitology but also in research and lab work. Spent a total of 10 weeks: June 11 to August 17 researching and to no surprise I was glad to be done with it. As much as I loved it, enjoyed the comradery I was quite ready to rest for a week before this fall semester begins (which is next Wednesday the 29th FYI).

I suppose I'm looking forward to this semester, I'm rested from academics, missing my Berea kids (whom all are doing great things too this summer), and quite ready to get my med school regiment back online. I've never been so set and resolved on something like my passion for med school. I've spent quite a bit of my thoughts and learning focused on this ultimate position...however, only just recently have I really contemplated not getting into med school or the like. Likely I'll also apply to the D.O. school in Pikeville and try out some Vet schools possibly, but if those don't work out I suppose I'll find my way to grad school and do some biochemistry or microbiology degree.

Though I've found my biggest problem is the reality that I am in love with everything and want to do and try everything; piloting, sailing, mechanic, fly-fishing, yachting, languages, cooking fine foods, wine making, beer brewing, guitar, electronics, computers....to say the least.

Maybe I should just stick to one thing?

......

Oh, hell no.

2007-07-19T15:08:00.000-05:00